Rhapsody (Part 2 of Medley).

17: face the sun.

When I was a teenager I cried all the time.
If something made me sad, I cried. If I was happy, I cried. If someone made me angry, I cried. If I was frustrated, excited, worried, heartbroken or over the moon, I'd cry.

Then my mother got sick, and I began to cry only when I was alone. I didn't want her to see me break, I didn't want her to leave with that image of me. She deserved all the smiles I could manage to give, even if it got to a point when sometimes I had to fake them.

She was not going to see me cry. I was determined.

So, I only cried when I was alone at home, or in the shower, if my dad and Stefan were around. I didn't cry in front of them, or Jasmine, or anyone else. I had to practice. If I couldn't hold it in front of them, there was no way I could do it in front of my mom.

I practiced and practiced until I perfected it, I had it down to an art. So much so that eventually I just stopped crying altogether. Even when I was alone and choking on my feelings, I couldn't cry. I didn't have it in me anymore.

For my mother, I'd do it all the same way again. But being her rock took everything that I got.

After my mom was gone, I only cried over happy things. Maybe because those didn't happen too often. The good things affected me more than the bad ones. Then I met Harry and the happy things, the happy moments, the happy days, happened more and more frequently and I cried every time his love would overwhelm me.

Until that fateful day Jenna showed up at his doorstep and everything went to hell... like everything always did in my life.

It was then when the tears of sorrow returned. I cried for two full days with their nights. But once I made the decision of going back to my old ways, I began to cry gradually less every day until the water ran out and I stopped crying.

Even on the day when Harry came back and we made up, I was able to contain my tears for the most part. I did cry, yet I didn't break down the way I thought I would. But with his reinstatement into my life, the happy tears restarted. Now, after six months of living together, I still cry every time he does something that melts my heart.

But once we've settled into our new life and gotten comfortable with each other, enough to say what we really mean at all times... well, with that came the not-so-pleasant moments in which we argue and press each other's buttons until one of us gives up the fight and offers a compromise. We always compromise. Our arguments never last more than a few minutes, or a couple of hours.

We have instated a new rule.
Rule 12: Never go to bed angry at each other. Stay up and work things out.

We think the 'sleeping on it' doesn't help when it comes to matters of our relationship. I don't ever want to go to bed facing away from him, or missing his hand on my hip, or his breath on my neck.

Still, my concern is that one day we'll be pressing and pushing and neither of us is going to give up and instead of offering a compromise to end the fight, we'll keep going until someone snaps.

"I ain't a saint, I think you know
But I see a way I'm gonna go
It's no debate that I belong with you

Baby, we're the same
You know my flaws
So if I ever strain, you know the code
But no matter what I do
I know, I know I belong with you

Yeah, I got a temper, but I'm just saying
You pushin' buttons just cause you can
You know I hate it, but I belong with you

But when I'm gone, I think you do
You shouldn't worry about someone new
'Cause no matter where I go
You know, I know, I belong with you