Healing Hearts ✅

35. Habits

The sound of tires on gravel wake me up the next morning and the usual happiness that the sound would bring me has now been replaced by sorrow.

I climb out of bed and walk over to the window, looking out to find Lucas staring back and my heart skips a beat. He waves, looking uncomfortable as if he doesn't know what he's allowed to do, before turning and walking into the barn.

I feel my heart break all over again watching him walk away from me and I collapse onto my bay window and begin to cry for the millionth time this week.

A knock on my door goes unheard until my mom pushes it open and walks in, taking a seat beside me. "Oh honey" she sighs, pulling me into her arms. "Why don't you go talk to him? It might make you feel better to at least have him as a friend in your life" she says but I shake my head.

"There's no way to make this better" I argue. "I love him mom" I sob into her shoulder and she sighs, hugging me tighter.

"Then why did you let him go? Surely he could find another job" she guesses but I shake my head yet again.

"You don't understand" I insist, pulling away from her and wiping at my eyes.

"Then explain it to me. I want to help you but I can't do that if you don't let me."

"It's not my secret to tell" I argue as I climb off the windowsill. "And I have to get ready for school so-." I trail off and she nods as she stands up.

"I'll go but know I'm here to talk anytime" she smiles softly before walking out of my room and leaving me to get ready for school.

I put no effort into my outfit, choosing a purple hoodie and yoga pants and looking into the mirror I can't help but see the girl who I thought I had left in New York. She looks exhausted and heartbroken.

I grab my backpack and walk down the steps at the exact time the door opens and Lucas steps inside. My breath hitches in my throat when our eyes lock and I want nothing more than to run into his arms. "Good morning Riles" he greets me.

"Morning" I murmur as I brush past him and walk into the kitchen where my mom is preparing breakfast and Josh is arguing on the phone with an airline company because they overbooked his flight home and now he was moved up to one leaving on Friday instead of Saturday.

"Uh Mrs. Matthews the shovel broke" Lucas explains as he walks in behind me. She gives him a polite smile.

"Alright. Here, let me go get my wallet and get you some money. You can run to the Hunters' hardware store on your way to taking Riley to school" she smirks making my eyes widen.

No way. I couldn't ride to school with-. "Uh actually" Josh interjects. "I got Riley. I was picking up Maya anyway. Come on niece" he says, grabbing his keys and hanging up the phone since he had seemingly been on hold anyway.

I let out a sigh of relief as I follow him but I don't miss the soft goodbye from Lucas' lips and it's enough to make me tear up all over again.

~ 💟 ~

"Riles you can't keep skipping class" Farkle insists as he stands in front of me with his hands on his hips, looking like my father. I hated that he didn't understand. I hated that he didn't realize how hard it is for me to sit in class listening to someone drown on and on about things that are pretty unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Like, when will I ever use proofs in real life....oh yea, never.

"Farkle I'm not going back to class. I'm fine right here" I argue, snuggling up into the chair. He sighs, taking a seat beside me.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

It. No one around me could say it but I knew what he meant. Do you wanna talk about Auggie?

The memory hits me like a tidal wave as I walk into the library during third period. I couldn't go to class, not when I felt as if I could burst into tears at any moment.

I take a seat in one of the plush chairs and collapse into it, letting out a deep sigh as I pull out my phone and text Farkle.

RILEY: Are you in class?

FARKLEY: Yea but what's up? Are you skipping?

RILEY: Mhm

FARKLEY: Riles....is this about him? Did something happen?

RILEY: We got my dad's blessing...if he quits

FARKLEY: Shit. That sucks. Sooo he broke up with you?

RILEY: Not exactly...

FARKLEY: What do you mean?

RILEY: I didn't give him a choice

FARKLEY: RILEY ELEANOR MATTHEWS!!!!! WTF?!?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Coming from a guy the last thing we want is to be told that we CANNOT date the girl we love

RILEY: Well what was I supposed to do?!

FARKLEY: Ummmm crazy idea...LET HIM CHOOSE

RILEY: But his mom....

FARKLEY: Wouldn't want to leave this Earth knowing she was what kept her son away from the love of his life

RILEY: Dammit

FARKLEY: I'm right and you know it

RILEY: I hate you

FARKLEY: I love you too now go to class 😚

I sigh, pocketing my phone and standing up to head off to class.

~ 💟 ~

Lucas' truck isn't in the driveway when I pull up after school. My heart drops into my stomach at the realization that he probably left early on purpose. I sigh, climbing out of my dad's car and walking up to the porch.

I grab the mail from the box on the house and start sifting through it as we walk inside. I stop when I come across a large envelope from NYU. I look over my shoulder to mak sure no one is around and slip it inside my backpack before continuing to go through the stack and finding another envelope but this one is from UT.

I had applied for one simple reason, I wanted to be close to Lucas but I figured it was a long shot.

I quickly rush up the stairs, lock my door and pull open the UT envelope. I read the first line of the letter and my heart soars.

I got in.

I grab my backpack and open the one from NYU next and my jaw drops.

I got in.

I stare down at the two acceptance letters and let out a deep sigh. They were both great schools but I could only go to one, the question was, which one was I going to pick?