Teagan.
I wanted nothing more than to go over there right now.
To do my hair and makeup, put on my best outfit, and march over to Louis' place, demanding answers, but I couldn't. I'm not man enough- or should I say, woman enough- to do the job. I'm not nearly confident or comfortable with my relationship with Louis to do so.
Plus, I am the other woman. It just occurred to me.
He cheated on Eleanor with me. Not the other way around. I went on secret dates with a boy that was taken, and now this is what happens to me.
I've been avoiding all things male. Male students, male teachers, stray male cats and dogs, e-mails. Okay, that last one was cheesy, but humor me, wont you? Give me some slack. I'm surprised my cheesy and corny humor remained with me for this long when my tears hadn't.
Not big crocodile, pitiful tears, but the deadly ones. The small, silent tears that shed at night while everyone else is sleeping and I'm the only one awake because my brain wont turn off for just a few moments to allow me the peace.
It wasn't something I was use to, heartbreak.
I've only ever had one boyfriend. Tristan McFadden.
We dated for four months before we graduated from sixth form and left for Uni. It wasn't a sad breakup for me, more bittersweet. I knew I had to let him go in order to get on with my life and start my future. There wasn't any love in my heart for this boy, but he did have special place in it.
Oh, he was perfect with his curly surfer boy chocolaty locks and his stormy grey eyes that looked so unnaturally bright some days, it made me question whether they were real or not. And his skin, the boy had the skin texture of milk and the complexion of a sun- kissed angel. His jaw was set in the most rugged way and when he smiled his perfectly crooked smile, a dimple appeared on his left cheek making my insides melt and my head spin.
He was a beautiful lad, that boy was.
But he wasn't anything compared to Louis.
Louis, with his chestnut brown flowy hair that was styled in the most fashionable way. His blue eyes were like sapphires making me feel like mine were a cheap comparison. The longer I looked into them, the more I got lost. His skin was the perfect olive tone, and tanner whenever in direct sunlight. I loved his perfectly white teeth and his ruby colored lips. And when he neglected to shave, the way his stumble was scratchy yet gave him a professionally rugged look.
Louis was my definition of perfect.
Look at me, I sound like some kind of lovesick teenage girl.
I spent this week focusing on schoolwork and homework. My roommates spent this week partying and causing a serious disturbance, but found it was best not to talk to me directly while I'm in this mood. It would've ended badly for anyone who had.
Mainly, my food source had been chicken nuggets and Ben & Jerry's, maybe even the occasional bottle of beer from the fridge as a way to calm myself. Soon I found myself so in the state of calm and relief, that drinking to actually get into that state seemed pointless, but more like a tradition.
My phone vibrated on my stomach- I placed it there as I laid on my back and stared up at my ceiling- and I sighed, not looking forward to answering the phone call, but knowing that I should because I'd later feel guilty if I hadn't and curious as to what this person wanted to talk about.
I answered it without looking and brought it up to my ear though I stayed silent. I didn't want to be the first one to talk, not if I don't know who the person is. It could be my mum, or dad, or worse! Gallagher.
"Teagan, are you there?" Louis' soft voice floated through the phone and echoed in my mind over and over again.
"Yeah," I whispered. "I'm here."
"Why are you speaking so quietly?" he asked, laughing. I could hear shouts and and laughter on his end of the phone, and I knew he was at football practice, I could hear my brother's voice as part of the background noise. Louis quietly told someone on his end to toss off before returning to me. "Is everything alright? I haven't seen you since-"
"Since we kissed?" I finished the sentence for him.
He paused. "Yeah, since that." he paused again. "I've been thinking about it a lot lately-"
I rubbed my hand down my face and groaned. "Louis, don't." I warned. "You don't have to lie to me."
"Teagan, what are you talking about? Lying? I'm not-"
I didn't even let him finish his sentence. "I came by the other day," I said. "to see you," lie. "and Eleanor opened the door."
Silence.
"She was, uh," I gulped, trying to keep my voice even. "dressed in your jersey, nothing but your jersey. And it's funny because, she hadn't looked like you just broke up with her or told her about our kiss,"
"Teags-"
"she looked like she just climbed out of your bed, Louis." I finished. "You don't have to make up some explanation why. You don't owe me any sort of explanation. I just, I hope we could still be friends." I chewed on my bottom lip. "There's some things that I haven't told you, that you should know."
"... Like what?" he asked.
I shook my head before remembering he couldn't see me. My eyes started to sting and I felt stupid. I couldn't believe I was getting this upset about a guy. A guy who wasn't even mine to begin with, in fact, he was always off limits. "Not now. I'm not ready to tell you just yet." I said. "Maybe when we form a good enough friendship." and then I hung up, feeling very sad and only slightly empowered.
Louis.
I looked at my phone, surprised and disappointed. This isn't how I hoped this conversation would go.
I wanted to tell her that that kiss has been replaying through my head continuously and never failed to bring a smile on my face every time it was thought of. I wanted to ask her on a date, see if she could one day be my girlfriend, a more permanent role to play in my life.
She was my definition of perfect.
Beautiful, funny, smart, kind, and like a ray of sunshine every time I saw her.
And she ended it before it could even start.
