Teagan.
It was the day before winter break and the whole campus seemed to be in the Christmas spirit. Workers took to putting up Christmas trees in the lobby of each dorm, and reefs on the front door. Cheerful multicolored lights were strewn alongside hallways, and people hummed Christmas carols at all times.
It made me sick.
Christmas use to be a joyous time for me, filled with love and smiles, not to mention- the presents, but now I only viewed this break as a reason to be further away from Louis.
Almost two weeks has passed since he dumped me at the Cambridge football game, and snogged some random outside Taboo- the club where everyone was celebrating University of London's win over Cambridge. The first few days were brutal. I only left my dorm for lectures, neglected most of my homework assignments, and spent most of my time sleeping. I hadn't showered for a personal record of four days, and hadn't put an ounce of product on my face, or bothered with my hair. My outfits consisted of yoga pants, baggy pants, and a very old worn out pair of Converse, and my diet consisted of Ben & Jerry's ice cream (preferably, Half Baked, but I occasionally switched it up with Cotton Candy) and chicken nuggets, and the time I spent with someone else of the human race- was with Costa as she was going through a breakup also.
I learned so many things about my ginger friend in these past two weeks, than I have in the months that I've known her. For one, the name she was born with was Caroline Medici, but she changed her name to Costa just this year after her favorite aunt, Ella de Costa, died. I asked her why she didn't just name herself Ella and she replied with, "Do I look like a fucking Ella to you?" and I had to agree. Costa suited her.
We went through different stages in our breakups, as she chose to be angry with everything, and jab any person who was ballsy enough to laugh in her face, I chose to be silent- a quiet mess that grew with each passing day. But we had one thing in common: we chose to be isolated, then decided to be isolated together.
Because Harley and Delilah just didn't understand how we felt at this time. I was dumped and Costa was quite literally screwed over, by two blokes who happened to be best mates, and that's what made it sting even more. Did Louis know what Niall planned to do to Costa? No one knew the answer. Harley was wrapped up in her new relationship with some musician named Josh, and Delilah claimed to be sort of involved with someone at the moment- but said he didn't want to put any labels on their relationship.
This only sounded like the makings of another soap opera to me, I told her to be careful.
Anyway, my epiphany happened today around eleven o'clock when my last lecture for today ended, and I spotted a girl with a pair of really nice boots walking ahead of me. She was very put together, reserved and quite gorgeous, and I caught myself wishing I could be like that myself. But then I realized, who says I can't be like that? I sure as hell can be like that... just not right now.
I wanted to reach that place where I wasn't ashamed to leave my dorm room, or cringed every time someone eyed my sloppy appearance with judgmental stares. Maybe I needed to just decide not to care anymore. But I'm Teagan Wayne, and not caring was simply impossible for me to accomplish so I had to try hard.
I needed help with trying to convey an aloof persona, and since the person I'd usually go to for help was currently experiencing a meltdown of her own, I decided to text my new friend Adam. I realized I still had his jacket from that night he walked me back to my room from Taboo, and hadn't made a move to give it back, I thought it would be a perfect excuse to see him again.
Of course, he was very easy on the eyes, I didn't feel an instant attraction to him like I had with Louis. I couldn't see myself dating him, a English major who happens to bar tend in his free time for spare change. I sent him a quick text, two words: "Let's meet" as I laid back on my bed.
