Teagan.
I didn't want to open my eyes to wake up just yet as I feared that last night was all just a dream. A beautiful, raw, blissful dream that took place in the dark of night with Louis in a really comfortable bed and little clothing.
But as I took into account that I was laying on a rather comfortable bed now, and my neck wasn't stiff from cheap pillows, and of course there was the only slightly painful throbbing in between legs- I greeted consciousness with a smile as I let my eyes flutter open and adjust to the bright light that flooded our hotel room.
I felt Louis' arm wrapped tightly around my waist, and reveled in the heat his body radiated snuggling back against his chest for more warmth. He hummed against my hair before shifting, propping himself on his elbow so he could look down at me.
"Good morning," he greeted. I almost died from how sexy his morning voice sounded, husky and raw, a great contrast to the slightly high pitched tone he usually carried throughout the day.
He pecked me on the lips before I said, "Good morning." back, my voice coming out only slightly above a whisper, as I did not trust it quite yet to sound normal. But Louis only looked concerned as he frowned down at me, his brow creasing as he asked, "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"
"I'm fine." I was quick to reassure.
"Teagan," he began, his tone warning me to tell the truth or else he'd keep pestering me for answers.
I gulped, turning my gaze away from him and over to the window to the left of the room, on my side of the bed, finding the curtains much more exciting than this particular topic. Although I knew he'd want an answer sooner rather than later, I sighed. "It only hurts a bit."
I felt a shift in the bed before I heard Louis silently curse under his breath as he began to leave the room, struggling to put on his boxers and storm out at the same time. I stared at his back as he walked away from me and the bed. He picked up all his disregarded clothes and then left, not even bothering to say a word in his departure or stay to put on all of his clothes. Or even give me a chance to talk him out of leaving.
I'd be lying if I said I did not feel the suffocating lump in my throat and the sting at the back of my eyes as I held back unwanted tears when I heard the front door slam shut. I flinched, and buried my body deeper into the mattress, turning my head so my face was buried into the pillows instead, and bringing the blanket so it rested higher up on my naked body.
I didn't understand what I did wrong to warrant his hasty exit. Should I just have lied and said it didn't hurt?
He would've known if I was lying, the boy could read me like a book.
Maybe my first time wasn't supposed to hurt, and so I was doing it wrong. Maybe because the sex hurt me, Louis wouldn't want me anymore. What fun could it be having sex with a girl who silently cried the whole time.
He was so experienced, so knowledgeable to all of this stuff, I bet none of the other girls he's been with cried during, or after. I wouldn't let him see me cry, though he insisted on making eye contact with me the entire time, I shut my eyes, and turned my head to the side whenever I felt a tear slip.
It hurt. It hurt more than I ever thought it would, and I wasn't mentally prepared for it. I thought I was, but I wasn't. Yet, I wouldn't take it back because I had finally done it. I was no longer a virgin, and best of all, the boy I love took it away from me.
At least, I think I don't regret it. Maybe I do. Now that I see how it's effected Louis, maybe it should affect me too.
I suddenly felt disgusting and awkward, like I should get up and leave before he comes back or else I'd just look pathetic. But it didn't feel right to go, and that just felt way too dramatic for me, plus, I wasn't really sure if my legs would work correctly if I did stand up to go.
