Wrong Number Bro: A Markson Story

Chapter 25: The Realization

Mark POV

Once I returned home I spoke to Youngjae filling him on everything that had transpired. "So I held him close to me to try and get him to talk to me about why he's moving and he just went total bitch on me and ran away. He said it was my fault." Youngjae sipped his tea in a serious fashion. "So he is moving because of you." " I didn't mean to hurt his feelings that bad." "Well, you did Mark. He tried to confess to you and you yelled at him, and even worse, punched him. What type of friend is that?" Youngjae was beginning to scold me worse than my mother. "I told you I don't even know why I did it. I didn't mean to it's just--" "You like him, Mark." I turn to Youngjae with a confused expression, it wasn't the first time he had said this, but something this time was different. The playfulness in his voice when he used to tease me was gone. He was being serious. "What?" "Stop lying to yourself, Mark. You like him." "Youngjae I already told you. I like being his friend but I don't like like him. I am not g--" "MARK!!"

He catches me off guard screaming my name. "Mark, why are you questioning everything that happened between you and Jackson?" "Because it's not how normal friends act," I sadly admit. Youngjae sighs. "Why didn't you question anything as it happened?" "I don't know. I guess I didn't realize what was actually happening until Jinyoung told me." Youngjae sips his tea again. "But why do you care what other people think of you and Jackson?" "Because I don't want people talking about me and ruining my reputation. You know I'm new--" "Bullshit Tuan." I looked at Youngjae puzzled again. "You care about what other people are saying because you care about Jackson. You care what they say because you haven't come to terms with your own feelings about him yet. But god damn it Mark wake up! You like him!" I can't find words to say. "It's not that--" "Then what Mark? Do you not care about him?" I let out a sigh and look down, rubbing my head. "I do."

Youngjae sips more of his tea. "Do you like spending time with Jackson?" I nod. "Do you like when Jackson texts you and checks up on you." I nod again. "Do you care about all the 'tutoring' sessions you had with him?" I nod. "Do you care that in two days he'll be hopping on a plane back to Hong Kong." I nod again. "Why? I thought you were pushing him away? That he disgusts you? Or at least that's what you told him." I stare at Youngjae clueless on what to say. I was pushing Jackson away, maybe too hard and now I'm suffering the consequences. "I--I--" I try and find words to answer him, but fail. "Tell me what you like about Jackson." I rub my face with my hands, not wanting to speak. "Do it." I sigh and before I notice it the words begin to just pour out. "I like how playful he is. I like how much he cares about me. He's always been so kind, so affectionate and made sure I settled into Korea okay. He deserves the world and I don't want anyone to hurt him. He never demands too much, he's compassionate, he's loving and he takes care of everyone he loves..." "And what makes Jackson different? Why do you care he's leaving so much? What makes him different from any other friend you have?" "I--I don't know. I just--I don't want him to leave me! I promised I'd stay by his side forever and I was a total jerk and did just that. Now he wants to leave!" I seemed to speak impulsively, the words just firing out after hearing Youngjae ask about Jackson. Before I realize it I'm crying. God, I'm such an ugly crier.

"Mark, stop lying to yourself. You like Jackson." I continue to cry with my hands at my face. "You like him don't you? Otherwise, you wouldn't be feeling like this, or talking about him like this." I begin to remember all the fun times I had with Jackson. The tutoring, the movies, the hangouts, the sleepover. The times I was with Jackson was when I was most happy. He completed a piece of me I didn't even realize I was missing. It wasn't until now, when he wasn't at my side, that I realized how miserable I really was. My happiness, playfulness and funny side were all gone. The only one I found myself thinking of was Jackson. Slowly but surely I begin nodding. It was time to stop lying to myself. Youngjae is right. I...I do like Jackson, I was just too stupid to realize it, too busy trying to make excuses about everything. I like Jackson I just didn't want to admit it. I let my own fear about my sexuality and fear about what others would think get to me. But I don't care if Jackson isn't by my side. Jinyoung just realized it before I did and took advantage of me. I should've realized it sooner, this entire situation wouldn't have happened. Who cares if the school knows about Jackson and I? We would've been happy and that's all that would have mattered.

"I...I...I do like him." Youngjae looks at me surprised. "You're finally admitting it?" I nod tears still falling from my face." "Oh thank god," Youngjae cries out. "But...but it's too late now," I sob. "So stop him from leaving. It's never too late until he's gone." "But how Youngjae? He..he hates me." "Mark...you know he still likes you." "But what if he doesn't listen to me?" "Apologize and make him listen. Only you know how to get through to him. Be brave for once Mark and take a chance. This all happened because you refused to accept your feelings and take a chance. So step out of your comfort zone and get him back." As soon as Youngjae says this my phone lights up with a text notification. I instantly check it thinking it'd be Jackson, instead, it's someone else. "Is that Jackson?" "No...it's Jinyoung."

From: Jinyoung

Jinyoung: Tuan you better have written my sociology paper.

Mark: It's done I'll give it to you at the radio station in the morning.

Jinyoung: Good. Now listen I lost my voice for some reason and won't be able to do the announcements tomorrow so you're going to do it. Don't mess up or I'll ruin you.

Me? Make the announcements on the school radio? Then it hits me. This could work. I grab my phone making sure to take advantage of this situation.

Mark: Alright.

Youngjae catches me smiling. "What are you smiling about Mark?" I smirk. "I'm winning Jackson back."

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Finally the inner Mark conflict is over! Praise the lawd. Phew. I loved writing this scene...maybe even more than the sleepover. This was what you were all waiting for right? At least I hope. Mark finally said it bbs...he like Jackson. Now let's hope he wins him back. :)