Peter Parker oneshots :)

Translation- Yeet

Steve tugged on the edges of his Captain America suit, awaiting his time to go out onto the stage. 

He had agreed to do a talk at Peter's year group assembly about WW2, as well as becoming Captain America, and the past in general. 

The buzz of the children grew louder and he knew he would be up soon. He wasn't nervous- they were just school children after all- but he hoped what he was about to do wouldn't embarrass Peter too much. 

"-please welcome, Steve Rogers!" The year coordinator called, and a loud round of applause echoed through the room. 

Steve stepped out onto the stage and took the microphone the man passed him, looking to the large crowd of teenagers, all staring up at him- some in awe, others looking rather bored. He quickly found Peter in the crowd, up the back next to Ned and a girl with curly hair, who was reading a book.

"Hello everyone, I'm Steve Rogers, though many of you probably know me as Captain America. Since I'm from the 'olden days' some people," Steve sent a glare at Peter, who flushed red and smiled sheepishly. "-think that my words are a little old fashioned. So, I'm going to have Peter come up here to translate." 

Peter's mouth fell open and he sent a glare to Steve that sent shivers down his spine. 

Great, he thought. Peter's been having intimidation lessons with Nat again.

"Come on up Peter." He said, grinning. Peter grudgingly stood up and made his way to the stage, hesitantly accepting the microphone that the year coordinator handed him. 

Everyone in the room were curious now- how did Peter know the Captain America? Why did he need to go up on the stage? 

It seemed, once Steve started talking, that everyone realised why. 

His talking was extremely old fashioned. Suddenly, they were thankful Peter was there to translate. 

"-so I threw my shield at him-"

"So he yeeted his shield at him-" Peter said in the background. 

"And he ducked and said 'you bastard!'-," 

"And he ducked and said 'you d!ckhead!'-,"

"Language!"

"Don't swear." Peter translated. The confusion that laced the teens faces disappeared when Peter translated for them, a look of realisation taking over their features. One of the teachers seemed to be taking notes as well, for what each of the words meant in 'teenager language' as you could say. 

"Anyway, long story short, Peggy was a really great woman-"

"Peggy was a really lit woman-" 

"And unfortunately, we never got to dance."

"Unfortunately, he never got to date." 

This continued for quite some time, until finally, it was time for questions. 

Of course, they got the expected- how do you know Peter, etc, and then there was-

"If you thought Peggy was so lit then why did you go all homo with Bucky? And since you were all homo with Bucky, why'd you yeet your shield at him? He's as cute as a little snek." 

"Uhhhhh." Steve said in confusement, looking at Peter, who was looking at him expectantly, as though he was supposed to understand every word that the kid had just said. 

"Peter, I need a translation." Steve mumbled, and Peter seemed to remember that not everyone was a child of the internet. 

"If you thought Peggy was so great then why did you go all gay with Bucky, and why did you throw your shield at Bucky if you were so gay with him, he's as cute as a snake." 

"Oh, right, well Bucky and I are just friends-"

Peter snorted. 

"-really good friends, and when I threw my shield at him I didn't know he was Bucky." 

Peter quickly translated his answer. 

"When he yeeted the shield at him he didn't know that he was Bucky." 

Finally, the talk was over and Steve left, thanking Peter, leaving Peter to have to answer all his peers questions. 

***

It was Peter's chance to finally get payback at Steve for making him translate in front of his entire year group. 

He stood in his Spider-Man suit, about to do a press conference for the first time. 

They called out his name, and he back flipped onto the stage just for fun, feeling so much more confident in his Spider-Man suit than he would as Peter. 

"Hello everyone, I'm Spider-Man, here to answer all your questions. I'm gonna call up Steve Rogers to translate my internet talk so that you older generation can understand me." He gave a smug smile to Steve, forgetting that he couldn't see his face. 

Steve gave him a playful glare, but thought that he probably deserved this. 

"Alright, any questions? You, pink hair." 

"How old are you?" The woman asked, pointing her recording device closer to the table. 

"Yes." 

Steve quickly translated his answer. "He means that he's not going to answer that question." 

Someone else put their hand up. 

"Blue shirt?"

"What is your opinions on homosexuality?"

"I think that it shouldn't matter if your homo or not homo. People spend so much time trying to make it look like you're not gay." Peter paused, and giggled slightly, thinking of a vine he had seen. "Hey Steve remember that time I walked in on you and-"

"Next. Question." Steve interrupted loudly. 

"Tennis shoes?" 

The person who had put their hand up glanced down at their shoes, then remembered they had to ask a question. 

"What's your real name?"

"Yeetus the Fetus." 

Steve sighed and almost facepalmed. "He means that he's not answering that either. 

Several smart alec answers later, they started to finish the press conference. 

"Last question. Purple socks?" 

A man with bright purple socks and a long, unruly beard, stepped forward with the microphone. 

"Who's your favourite avenger?" 

"I would say Tony, but it'll annoy him if I say Clint. After Clint it's Nat, Thor, Steve, Wanda, Bruce and Vision in no particular order. Tony isn't even on the chart, he spilt coffee in my web solution last week and made it explode everywhere. There's still webs on the cieling from that." 

The room chuckled. 

"Anyway, thank you for your questions, and thank you Steve for translating for me. See yah!" 

With that, Peter flung himself from the room via web, accidentally slamming into a few things on the way and saying 'fudging marshmallow ice cream' out loud, which was all recorded and all over the internet. 

Lets just say, Spider-Man became a huge internet sensation (especially among the teens), something that Peter thought was the greatest accomplishment ever.