How I am feeling

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It's hard living away from all the friends you use to have and know. Not as bad as I thought. Made a lot of new friends where I am now. But I can't seem to give God my attention. I can't seem to put down my phone and stop worrying about what other people might say or whether they'll reply back. Or going on social media to waste time and looking at how everyone else is doing. I can't seem to even get homework done cause I'm procrastinating to the point where I'm barely above water and then get consumed by lust and pornography even though I know it's fake. I get on my hands and knees and spend about a minute praying. I'm calm but a couple hours later anger starts flowing and it just seems like one problem after another. I can't focus on anything. I can't get ahead. I'm too afraid that some people will read this who know me and know that I'm way too open because it gives people the opportunity to hurt me. That's just me. Im typing this on wattpad so people might be able to relate and  I can get a conversation going with God. I'm still optimistic but I look to my future rather than now saying I can't wait to get to this age or move out etc. and I waste so much time. When I have too much I get upset cause I can't do what I want. When I have no time I do nothing because I have no ideas. But I'm positive. I want to drop the phone and everyone and I know that's hard and probably won't ever happen. But I need something to change in my life. I don't want to keep making the same mistakes with the same results. I just kind of want to be okay with leaving everything for awhile and just living life, seeking truth, and being me.

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