No Name (Jake Webber)

That's why

Songs - Rain Hollywood Undead
Pour me - Hollywood Undead
Beamer boy - lil peep
——————+—————

Trigger warning. The chapter consists of descriptive detail of suicide and self harm. 

Lilly - 

I slid down the wall with tears in my eyes chocking on the sobs as they came up. My face was soaked and so was the front of my shirt. I felt like shit. Honestly i didn't even want to do this anymore. I was tired, drained, and weak. I always felt like i was dead. I wanted to be. I would never tell anyone. I can't, I can't push myself to. I don't want anyone blaming themselves. It was no ones fault but my own. I stood up and walked into my bathroom. I looked for all of the pills i could find. I found at least seven or eight. I then walked into the kitchen and found a pair of scissors and the sharpest knife i could find. I walked back into my room and sat at my vanity. I found a piece of paper and a pen, I started writing and didn't stop until i had filled the front, back, and the front of another sheet of paper. 

I sat back in the chair and opened the pill bottles. I dumped out a couple from each of them and started taking them with some water. I wasn't crying anymore, i felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. I felt selfish, which pushed me even further. I picked up the knife and slowly dragged along my skin. It didn't hurt as much as i thought it would. Honestly it didn't hurt at all. That made me keep going. I dragged the knife deeper and deeper until blood was dripping onto the floor and my lap. I started on my other wrist making it the same. I pulled it along my thighs and watched as droplets of blood started forming and pooling on my legs. I went back to my wrist and somehow manged to get deeper and deeper to the point where if i moved my fingers i could see my tendons. I dropped the knife and sat back again in the chair feeling lighter than air. I smiled knowing it would all be over soon. It would all be over soon. 

Jake - 

When i woke up the next morning i got dressed and decided to get out of the house. I threw on a sweatshirt and went downstairs. I got to the door and saw Aaron. "Where are you going Jake?" he asked. Aaron looked worse than normal. His under eyes were dark and bugger, his cheeks looked sunken in, he didn't look like Aaron anymore. "I-I'm going for a walk" I stuttered. He nodded and walked away. I frowned and moved out the door. I walked around for awhile before i found myself in front of Lilly's apartment complex. I decided to go up there. I Went inside and directly to the elevator. I went to her floor and walked down the hall until i was in front of her apartment. I took a deep breath in and opened the door with the key she had given me a couple months ago. Oh how i wished we could go back to then. I slowly walked around looking for something i knew wasn't going to be there. 

I went back into her room and sat on Lilly's bed. It felt comforting. Almost. I took a deep breath in and out. It was then that i noticed a piece of paper on the ground. I was shaking. I knew exactly what it was. I started reading and instantly felt myself tear up. 

To anyone who reads this, I'm sorry. I can't seem to push myself any longer. My days seem to blur altogether and i don't know if what i actually ate or if i just remember what i ate yesterday. Let me start explaining a little bit. I'm going to start with Jake. I don't think he realizes how much i love him. He's my world. I love him so much my heart stops beating. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to blame himself either, it's not his fault, it's not anyone's fault but my own. Jake and i instantly clicked. I hope he never forgets the nights we spent together, high of our asses listening to some music. Jake deserves the world. I love you, If you're reading this. 

Next Colby, my bestfriend. Well more my brother. He's the moist purest and adorable person i've ever met. I know he'd always be there for me. He's helped me so much these past months. I'm going to miss him. I love you colby with alll my heart. 

Aaron, no one ever realized it but we spent so much time together. You're also my bestfriend. You're always the one to be left out. I admire how strong you truly are. No one ever understood the pain you go through but trust me Aaron i did. I always had. You were always there for me and i can never forget when we'd get mad while playing video games together. I love you with every thing and i know one day you'll find someone who's really in love with you. They'll treat you well Aaron. I know it. 

I stopped reading there. I had to. I started crying too much. I took the note and left the apartment making sure to lock the door behind me. I walked back to the house and gave the note to Aaron. I ran out without another word and to the hospital. I signed in as a guest and walked quickly to Lilly's room. I grabbed a chair and pulled it right up to her bed. I grabbed her hand and started crying even more.

"wake up Lilly wake up" i cried. "I don't think i can do this without you. You're my world i love you so much i need you i fucking need you". I heard her monitor start beeping and her eyes start moving around rapidly. I got pushed out of the room by the nurses and told to wait in the waiting room. 

Sorry for any mistakes