New Member - Grayson Dolan

"I'm Such A Dingus"

"This is it," I whispered to myself, "I finally get to see him." I hoped that I could convince Gray to tell me everything that he told the others. I hated secrets and it also made me feel slightly left out.
A loud huff escaped my lips as I closed my eyes, my hand wrapped around the door knob, frozen with fear, fear of him not wanting to see me. I wasn't there for Grayson when he needed me the most and guilt was haunting me every second afterwards, I knew I should've been there, but I wasn't.

I failed him as a friend.

With a wave of confidence overcoming me, my eyes shot open as my hand twisted the door knob open, my eyes meeting the blue walls and vase of flowers peaking through the barrier. The creaking sound stopped after forever so that silence could overcome it, making the moment scarier than it should be. It was as if I was finding out whether he was dead or not. But my nerves calmed down as soon as I laid my eyes on the boy, who at the moment was looking at the family picture I managed to admire earlier that day. After a few seconds, his orbs shifted from the photo up to me, welcoming me with a small smile, but that was enough to make my day.

"Hey, Gray." I whispered.

"Hey, y/n." His voice was barely audible, but my hearing was definitely good enough to figure it out.

"I came as soon as I heard." I stated, stepping closer towards him, slowly yet taking big strides.

He didn't say anything, just watched me with his hazelnut eyes. They were beautiful, but something was different about them, not bad, but not good either. It was probably me overthinking everything due to how sorry I felt, and I knew that he could tell that it was eating me alive.

"Grayson." I chocked, attempting not to cry but obviously failing since I felt a small tear fall down my cheek. "I'm s-so..." I paused for a second, trying to collect my words that were stuck in my throat. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry." Grayson stayed silent, not moving an inch, his gaze was still on me. The only thing that changed was that his jaw clenched. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me, I'm sorry that I was such a jerk and left you in the first place, I'm sorry for being such a shitty friend." At this point, my bottom lip was quivering like crazy, more tears shooting down my face as occasional sobs were heard.

I didn't even notice that I was sitting on the hospital bed, constantly wiping away the tears, not looking at Grayson because of how terrified I was that he would never forgive me. The crying wouldn't stop, the constant feelings of regret and sadness wouldn't stop, and I hated that I looked so weak in front of Grayson because I had never cried in front of him before. The last time I cried was during the first week of living alone since I missed my parents, but that was ages ago. I hated crying and everything about it, especially since I looked like a mess in front of the guy I liked.

But the feeling of hope grew inside me as I noticed something different, a familiar action occurring, the feeling of strong arms wrapped around me, sharing the warmth he owned. I cried into Grayson's shoulder, flinging my arms across his body so that I pulled him closer.

"It's ok, I'm fine, y/n." He comforted me, stroking my knotty hair that I hadn't bothered to brush since the photo shoot (it gets knotty very easily). I could've sworn that he could feel my tears drip down his shitty hospital gown.

Eventually, I pulled away from him, lightly laughing at my terrible state, knowing how horrible I looked. I then stared at his shoulder that was drenched with tears. "Oh, sorry about that as well." I whispered, trying to calm myself from the breakdown.

"How many times have you said "sorry" within the last five minutes, y/n?" Grayson chuckled, gently grazing his thumb on my shoulder. I laughed as well, pushing a string of hair behind my ear as I felt my cheeks beginning to blush.