Cristiano's Craving

Forty One

Rose

"Mama?"

She was there, standing right in front of me. Her eyes filled with kindness, love and hope. No longer sad, tired and broken.

Tears ran down my cheeks at the sight of her. I ran, throwing my arms around her as I hugged her tightly, crying in sadness and heartache.

"I missed you," I whispered, her amazing, homey scent filling my nostrils. She sighed softly, hugging me back however her arms gently pulled me away, her hands on my shoulders as she gazed at me seriously.

I frowned a little at her face and she pulled a strand of my long hair behind my ear, a sad smile on her face. "You're not staying, Rose."

"Why?" I softly asked, wiping my cheeks and staring at her in confusion. "Didn't I. . ." I hesitated, uncomfortable to say the word but I did, ". .die?"

"You did. But they're trying to bring you back, Rose. You have to go."

I could the air pulling me backwards, attempting to break me away from my mother. I shook my head furiously, holding onto her. "No, I didn't do this for nothing, mum. I'm staying with you!"

She shook her head, her eyes glistening with tears. "Rosalia, you must go. I'm not even dead." Staring at her in shock, I sniffed, struggling to make a decision. "I can't. . ." I exhaled slowly, trying not to cry. "It's so hard. ."

Her eyes gave me the most loving and sympathetic look that I missed. "I know, honey, but you can do it. You're a fighter, Rose. Keep fighting. I promise you, it will all be worth it in the end. I am proud of you and I love you. Keep fighting. Keep fighting."

Fighting

Fighting

Fighting

A harsh, sharp gasp escaped my mouth, my body sharply jerking forwards, ready for action. My eyes flew open, and automatically, everything came crashing at me. High quality sounds, vibrant lights, machines beeping, people all around me.

I didn't even get a chance to comprehend where I was or how I felt. Unconsciously, my body fell back to the bed, and my eyes fluttered shut once more.

". . .but she seems to be doing well. Tomorrow, we'll try waking her up. . "

"We're not really sure whether it was intentional or an accident but with the high sucide rates, and the evidence on her, it seems likely that it was intentional."

"So if it was intentional. . .what's going to happen to her?"

Voices were all blocked out, as it seemed that they had left the room.

My sore eyes slowly opened, my vision blurry at first but as I blinked a few tiles, my sight became more and more clearer. It was clear to see that I was in a hospital.

In a private ward, in my room, there wasn't much besides a few medical equipments, some counters with cupboards by the wall, a bin, the bed I was laying in, some seats and plants.

What am I doing here?

My head was aching, banging and so numb that I could barely register everything that was happening to me in that moment.

Keep fighting, was what Mama said but I wasn't sure whether I could heed her courageous words.

Intentional. They were talking about me. Me. Myself. I. I could end up in a psych unit if they found out the truth. I couldn't go there - I wasn't crazy.