Shitty Poems

One Day

You know, there was a time that I was glad
That I'm still here.
There was a time that I went out of my way
Just to find something to be my lifeline.
But my first love didn't last forever
And ended up hurting me too.
And fighting my way through a year
Waiting for that time when Disney released another movie
Wasn't strong enough
To keep me here.
I'll probably forget the lines on leather bound paper
That brought me artificial joy.
The soft, sweet sounds of music
Just remind me
That I'm useless.
What good are lifelines?
What good is desperately clinging to the ropes
That bound me to the earth; this life
When they will wear away
And I'll end up falling anyway.
Why can't I just let go?
My fingers have slipped before
And blood has been drawn before
So why can't I bring myself to let go?
Do I honestly think that someone wants me here?
Do I honestly think that I bring joy to anyone?
Do I honestly think that I have a purpose?
What would that be?
Bringing people down,
Being a chore to deal with,
Being a waste of space isn't a purpose.
It would be so easy to rid the world of my unworthy presence
Just a few drops of blood from the right place,
One mouthful of pills,
One knot...
Who knew that the rope I hang onto as my lifeline
Once tied properly, will lead to my demise
But I can't bring myself to do that
I can't bring myself to do anything.
I'm selfish
And a coward.
I keep telling myself that one day,
One day, you will find someone
One day, you will spark joy
One day, you will be happy
Well, when is that day?
Must I continue lying to myself
Every single day
Only to have others suffer because of it?
I'm a coward for still being here
I know I have no purpose
And that I will never do anything worthwhile
But I'm still here
I have had so many opportunities to finally let go
But I wasted every sing one.
When will I have to courage
To finally choose the right option between spit and swallow?
When will o have the courage
To finally draw blood from the correct places
When will I have the courage
To cut just a little deeper?
I feel no pain from the blood I see
It stains my arm yet I feel nothing
And I feel guilty because of it.
If I am so selfish and such a coward that I can't let go
I should at least feel pain
For the pain I bring to everyone who meets me.
Maybe, if I had never been born
Things would be better.
My mother had miscarriages before me
And now she is stuck with a selfish, unworthy, useless coward.
One day,
I will hit the ground as I walk across the road because of some kind driver
One day,
I will see the edges of my vision turn black as I press a razor to my wrist
One day,
I will smile once more as I feel the relief after swallowing those pills
One day,
I will be in eternal sleep finally
One day,
I will see nothing but black
One day,
I won't be a hazard to society anymore
One day,
My family will finally be rid of me
One day,
I will let go.