Shitty Poems

You're Gone

I can't imagine how I lived before I met you

How did I live without having someone to talk about nothing with everyday?

How did I live without someone to tell all my secrets to?

How did I live without knowing there would be someone to accept me no matter what?

And I can't imagine how I would live without you

How can I live without a you grounding me?

How can I live without your jokes and smile?

How can I live without your talks and laughs and late night texts?

How can I live without my 12 AM friend?

I can't imagine how I lived without you

And I can't imagine how I would live without you

But I am.

I can't loose you

The pain you cause me

Is the only thing confirming I'm alive.

In a world where what is real is ever changing and cannot be confirmed

I don't know what is true or false

I don't know if I'm still here

I don't know if what I feel and see is real

The pain is the only thing

That I know is real.

If I lost you

I don't know what I would do

I would be lost.

I'm in a maze as it is

But without you

The scene fades to black

And I'm no longer lost

But blind and alone and gone.

I need you

And I can't loose you

But I lost you a long time ago.

I'll miss you

When you're gone.

I have no idea how I'll be able to say goodbye

I have no idea what I would say

How do you express hatred and gratitude and sadness and bitterness and love

In one goodbye?

How do I watch you walk away?

How will I watch 2 years of my best friendship walk away?

How will I watch my soulmate walk away?

How will I watch my hopes and dreams walk away?

How will I watch comfort and happiness walk away?

I don't want to say goodbye.

I don't know how

I can't bring myself to.

I can't say goodbye

And yet you're already gone.

You're gone.

I know it.

I tell myself everyday

Yet everyday, I have to convince myself that it's true

That this isn't some nightmare

Because I won't wake up.

Life is the nightmare.

Everyday, some part of me ends up believing that you're still here.

And you might as well be

With how you affect me everyday

You might as well still be by my side.

But you're gone.

The sooner I believe that

The sooner I can move on.

It's been over a year

And yet

I still don't think

I've completely moved on;

I don't think I'm completely ready to move on.

I sometimes wish we never happened

But if we never happened I don't know how I would live.

I want to say thank you

For everything you've done for me

And everything you will continue to do

But I also want to hate you

For doing such horrible things to me

And those horrible things continuing to affect me and happen.

I need to move on.

No matter how many times I say

"You're gone."

The message will never fully sink in.

You're gone.

All my feelings should be gone

Including hate and sadness.

The hope that you will come back should be gone.

It should all be gone.

But if those things are gone.

Then essentially, my entire being is gone.

You're gone.

I need to believe that before I hurt myself

And yet I already have.

You're gone.

I don't think I will ever fully believe that though.

Although you're gone

As long as I'm still here

I'm never fully getting rid of you, am I?

I don't think I'd want to

I don't think I'm ready.

And yet

You're gone.

A.N. I'm a disaster I wrote this directly into Wattpad instead of on paper or smth first. (This part is 666 words)