Shitty Poems

Age

At what age will my problems

Be considered actual problems?

Because I need a date, a year

To count down to.

I need a date to mark on my calendar

And set to the reminders of my phone

When I won't feel guilty

About the cuts in my skin

For all the wrong reasons.

I need a year to wait for

When the things I experience

Aren't looked down upon

And are not belittled.

The notion that

All my problems don't matter

Has been planted

And reinforced in my mind.

All my problems are so much better

Than what others experience

So how can they be bad?

But if they aren't bad

How are my experiences

And thoughts

Causing angry scars

To appear on my skin

And blood to spill?

What is wrong with me?

Why am I being teared apart

By unimportant things?

I'm aware of this

I'm aware that they don't matter

So why am I still being affected?

I don't really matter either.

No one would think it a problem

Or be teared apart

If I were to

Cut deep enough

In the right places for once.

Even then,

I will be seen as stupid.

"Why did she cut there?"

"She didn't have any reasons to feel sad."

"Why did she do that?"

"What was wrong with her?"

I'll be seen as rude

For inconveniencing everyone.

Now they'll have to plan a funeral

And have me buried

And everything

That could have been avoided

Not if I got help

But if I thought of others for once,

If I used my brain for once.

If kill myself at the right age

Will people not say those things about me?

Will I be old enough to have

Respectable opinions

That aren't immediately wrong

Or undermined?

What age is that?

What date is that?

What day can I finally die

Without having to worry

That more bad things -

Than if I died at a good age -

Will be said

After I have passed?

A.N. 9gdwouhpnjqab;olhja