Shitty Poems

Ink and Tears

I haven't written about you in a long time

At least, compared to when my heart would be bursting with lines about you

Spilling ink onto pages everyday.

I didn't really think about what happened

When the lines you wrote

Made the ink run dry.

I don't tend to think about those things in the moment.

In the moment, instead of ink

My heart spilt tears.

Those tears were full of dreams

Those tears were full of 'what could have been'

Those tears could have been avoided.

But I didn't think about that

In the moment, my heart was already in motion

Going full speed into what it thought it saw.

It thought it saw love and happiness and other good things

It saw a garden full of flowers of love,

A garden that we could walk in forever

But it pushed straight through that illusion...

The garden path took an unexpected turn...

The thorns on the roses were revealed

And suddenly, the tulips transformed into weeds.

But my heart was set in motion

And it sped through

And into the abyss that would soon be filled with ink and tears.

I didn't think about that in the moment though.

All that existed in that moment were sadness

My mind was waterlogged and the only thing it could do

Was tell myself to expel more salty liquid from my broken heart.

After a while I told myself to stop

No reason why.

I just felt like stopping.

I told myself

"Maybe this is a bad dream

And when I wake up..."

I don't know what I expected when I woke up.

I don't know what I expected when I told you

Did I expect you to confess your undying love

And run off with me into the sunset?

Loves makes you blind.

It makes you question what is real.

When I woke up

I found that it wasn't a bad dream

Because the empty, painful, horrible feeling in my chest was real.

But so was my little brother

So I painted on a smile

And went to his soccer game that morning

I cheered for him

And hoped that my shouts and claps

Would drown out the sound of my heart breaking

Maybe the sound of laughter would cover the sound of my tears

Maybe my sister's music would be loud enough to hide my pain

Maybe something would distract me.

I need distractions.

If I were alone with nothing to do

I would break down.

When worst comes to worst

Or I my heart is full again

I quickly spill ink

And post it here.

I haven't spilled ink about you in a long time

I haven't spilled tears about you in a while either

But time is relative anyway

And a social construct

And an illusion...

You know, there was a time

After I read the lines you wrote

That there was still ink left in my heart for you.

It's gone now.

I know that.

Sometimes I think back and laugh

Other times I cry

I'm still not over you.

I choose to ignore things like this though.

I think that's why it takes me so long to move on.

My logic seems to be: If you can't see it

It didn't happen; it's not there.

It hasn't worked, obviously.

In terms of instant relief and consequences

It's like crack.

It provides me with instant relief

But will end up hurting me.

I wonder how much tears and ink my heart and hold in

Until it finally gives out

I guess we'll wait and see.

Strangely enough, I feel nothing whilst writing this.

Does my heart have any tears left?

It did an hour ago

So why not now?

Perhaps I'm still trying to ignore this.

You will be the same case

As my first love.

A year will pass
And I will still be mourning

Still in the early stages of grief

Still not over it.

When am I gonna get over this?

When am I gonna get over you?

I don't have the energy to cry myself a river

But can't I build a bridge now?

Can't I build a bridge over this entire thing?

Maybe, if I'm far enough

It will look like it never happened.

But soon enough, someone else will come along

And my heart will spill tears and ink over them.

What will I do when it goes up in flames?

Do I just keep on running?

I can't run forever, can I?

I don't want to run forever.

But if I stay

I'll be drowned in ink and tears.

A.N. Marvin voice: Oh my god WhEn am I gonna gEt over this WHen aM I GonnA geT Over thIs WHeN AM i gONnA GET OvEr ThIs
(I just rly,,,,,, feel for those ppl in Falsettos u kno???)
Also it's poetry month in the US and Canada I think
I'm rly emotional bc a fic on AO3 that I thought was abandoned was just updated and,,,,,,,,,,,,, t e a r s