Shitty Poems

Pain

Pain:

Dull stinging that consumes your thoughts

And allures you to add to your collection of scars.

Heat that takes form as intrusive thoughts

At least you hope so, because then they will escape

Thoughts that make you crave to not experience anything

But the static behind your eyes forever

Although you are deathly afraid of it,

Thoughts that make you see past the illusion
that you are loved and wanted in this world.

Perhaps in another life, another universe even

But surely not this one.

Here, you are tolerated at most.

You know nothing will change tomorrow if you were to let go today.

Tomorrow, there would be questions and jokes made

The next day, it would be passed off as sickness

The day after that, only a few people would text the number of a dead person

A week later, people would probably find out

And then they'd move on.

Because there's no reason for me to stay.

The only purpose I have in life is to be an example

Of everything that is wrong and you shouldn't do

Maybe I get quick, humourless laughs out of people

But no one really needs me here.

I'm expendable. Everyone has done a good job of making me know that.

My sister never needed me.

My little brother has another sibling.

My parents wanted a boy and probably won't mind if I left.

My friends have other people and they never needed me anyway.

I hate pain. But it is how I deal with these thoughts

When the fog has lifted and I see what is really here.

Other relapses weren't as bad

But now this sick addiction is worse than ever

I feel that I really am dependent on opening my skin.

Pain is many things including something I cannot handle.

It's red spilling out of a cut that I will regret later

But know I deserved.

In this wide world, I am a waste of space.

The sun that shines for all of us

Doesn't need to shine on me

I don't deserve light. I don't deserve to be here

Although this world that I used to dream about is a nightmare

I still don't deserve to be here.

People find it funny how easy I am to provoke

And how tired I am usually

Well that's because it is tiring being in a
constant state of pain

And when you think about that pain,

Your mind tells you to add to it because you deserve it.

It's tiring constantly being anxious over whatever

And being on edge all the time because of no particular reason

And having your own family make fun of you

For fidgeting and bouncing your leg when you are panicking.

It's tiring knowing that you are a waste of space.

It's tiring crying over nothing and trying to stop but just feeling worse.

It's tiring having people provoke and 'break' you because of how easy it is.

Some people pride themselves on how they can 'break' people:

Make them loose it, push them past the tipping point.

Well, when I finally have the courage to
embark on 'life's next great adventure',

When I finally stop telling myself lies that people still want me here,

When I'm finally broken past the point of being fixed to any extent,

Pride yourself on that.

Feel proud when I'm being buried 6 feet under.

Feel proud that maybe, that one comment

Added just the right amount of fuel to the fire,

Just enough salt to the wound

That it saved the world from me being alive another day.

I hope you feel proud.