Undesired Hell [ Destiel AU ]

Hope is a dangerous thing

Dean grumbled unwillingly when he arrived back at the station later than he was supposed to. Of course, he had an excuse, but it wasn't anyone's business but his own. If the boys knew, they would either tease him or pity him till the end of his shift. Trenton, on the other hand, didn't exactly know how to stay out of people's business and was excellent at pushing buttons. Across the lot, Dean had already caught a glimpse of his unhappy partner. He groaned.

"Hey! I get that you want to take your sweet ass time taking that fucklet home and all, but forty fucking minutes?" Having absolutely no chill, Trenton continued to express himself carelessly, "I put up with too much of this, it's starting to fucking bug me dude." The other officer blocked Dean from trying to enter the building, apparently, Trenton was determined to be heard. With an urge to smack him, Dean pushed himself forward anyway, their shoulders butting.

Trenton let him walk by harshly, turned to follow, and held out a hand to grab him by his shoulder, "I've been hauling ass to cover your shit, every day now. At first, it was fine because you're my brother but—"

"Now's really not the time, T." Dean's fuse sputtered like a firework because his best friend didn't understand the meaning of a bad day. Tragically, those two fought like cats and dogs over everything, and neither Officer owned a temper suitable enough to fend off the chance of getting a black eye. So when Trenton yanked him back after a few more remarks, Dean popped with unrestrained fury, "Dude! Let it go."

Perhaps it was the crack in Dean's voice or his red eyes, nonetheless, his desperate attempt worked. The message was received and Dean could now peacefully walk into his office to work or possibly cry, again. Getting the message through Trenton's head was difficult enough, but now he had to deal with Trenton feeling obligated to check up on him.

"Sorry for getting so upset man, but tears? I didn't know you were such a bitch."

If Dean could shoot his friend without actually killing him then, he would've.

"Castiel dumped me, asshole." He slumped back in his chair until it squeaked during their anticipated silence. Avowing those words out loud for himself and someone else for the first time really sucked. It felt like a wrenching punch to his broken heart that left his head hanging low with even more feelings for Castiel.

"Why didn't you say that earlier? Jeez Winchester, now I feel terrible."

Dean paused. "Yeah...hey bud, could you just leave me here alone for a while?"

Trenton almost said no, but walked away for Dean's sake. Now, the room was very quiet like a snow day in the middle of winter, when the somber emotions caught up to him. Where once was joy was now the pain of plenty; Dean felt pathetic for letting so many tears fall but trying not to cry endured devastation no less than a hurricane.

Those tears didn't stop anytime soon, almost an hour had passed and Dean was eventually calm enough to go through some emails that had been left unread in his inbox. It was a nice distraction, even with a cloudy head, that is until Jody marched in unannounced. The sound of her boots beating the ground echoed steadily as she entered and Dean recognized Jody's presence even before glancing up.

"Hey, what's up?" Delicate green eyes flickered up after he cleared his throat. Jody heard him crying earlier from down the hall but seeing him look this broken set forth an entirely different tone for her. Dean might not have been her's biologically, but that was her son and she loved the hell out of him. So nothing else bothered her more than seeing him that way.

"Came to share the news that KCKPD gathered enough evidence to issue a warrant for John's arrest."

Jody fell silent, still watching Dean. He stayed soft and pliant, mostly exhausted from anticipating even a flash of hope for a father who hadn't changed; Despite several chances. Dean never expected John to suddenly become a flawless father, but maybe he could've done some right by Sam and Dean. That being the least he could do for them after everything.

"Nothing's changed," Dean said quietly. "Sometimes I wonder if I'll end up like him? I hate the pressure of trying to become a better man than he was." He said, sounding tired and a little out of it. Jody gave him a look.

"You have always been the better man."

Dean made a noncommittal noise. Nothing really felt better, but Jody was good at making it seem like it things were okay. She smiled.

"I don't need to ask to know when something is wrong, but if you don't want me to ask why then I won't. So whatever has you so torn up right now, let it go." Jody took a few steps forward and drew him in for a long hug. Dean leaned into the warmth of her side, grateful of the simple gesture. Her impression made the room warmer somehow, his cynical thoughts within these walls a little less bleak. Dean nodded, "Thanks."

"Go home and get some sleep."

Almost ten minutes past eleven AM, Dean's phone rings. He breathes in deeply. The sun filtering through the clouds glows through his bedroom window and blinds him. He reaches across the nightstand for his phone, dropping a few things onto the floor in the process, but he could honestly care less. His thumb quickly swipes the green button, "yeah??" He answers without glancing at the screen.

There's a slight stir on the other line.

"Morning son. Did I wake you?" It was Bobby. Dean pleasantly huffed, a part of him wishing Castiel had called but the other relieved that he hadn't.

Dean groaned, "No."

He turned over in his bed, the sheets smothering him flaunting his ex-boyfriend's soft scent. Bobby chuckled silently, focusing on the sound of his kid's voice while he repaired part of a car engine. It was helpful to know he was okay and not shutting out the world like he used to do. Bobby knew little about what was going on, all he got was a concerned phone call from Jody saying all sorts of things and urging him to check up on Dean. She overreacted a little, but Dean truly was hurting and had no idea how to express it.

Dean imagines Castiel beside him, on the comfy sheets beneath his fingers, he caves. A lump in his throat forms and he sits up to scare away the image, a mirage.

"Why did you call?" Dean asked.

"Was wondering if you'd come help me out today? Just for a bit."

Dean reckoned he could go to work and do something either than stay burrowed in bed all day. It's not like sulking would reliably heal him because genuinely, he had no idea how to fix a broken heart. As hard as it was to get out of bed, Dean knew deep down that Castiel should not be the dictator of his actions, but god was he in love with that boy. It was safe to say that Dean was struggling.

He chuckles. "Yeah, I'll be there Bobby."

The other man beamed up at the sun as he held the phone closer to his ear, "Great! See you in a bit, boy."

When Bobby hangs up Dean rises to get ready, as he crosses the room sun delivers a welcoming warmth that coats him as good as caramel over a harvest apple. Then from nowhere comes the memory of Castiel running up behind him and dangling an arm around Dean's neck. He laughed playfully when Dean hauled him towards the bed and guided him backwards for a kiss. Before the vision could reassert itself Dean's feet were moving down the hall towards the exit.