SLEEPSONG (BoyxBoy)✔️

Chapter 99

Author's note: still sick but slowly getting better. Hope you all enjoy this chapter.

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Chapter Ninety-Nine

He cradled me in a way he'd never done before.

I was sitting curled up on his lap, my shoulder resting against his stomach, my cheek against his neck with his own cheek smushed against the top of my head. His arms held me like they would never let me go, and I felt the sadness radiating from his posture, from the heat of his arms.

I felt his anguish, his anger, his frustration, and that's why I kept quiet despite all the questions boiling inside me. I let him hold me close, let him caress my hair, let him stroke my cheek.

"When we finally gave ourselves to each other, you and I," he eventually said, calm and quiet and somehow defeated, "I felt... as if the two of us... had a deeper connection than anything I've ever experienced in all the years I've ever been alive. I have... never... regretted my actions as much as I did when it came to hurting you. I truly, one hundred percent, love you, Aerin."

My heart skipped a beat or three and I shifted against him as my entire body warmed.

"I love you, too," I tenderly admitted, closing my eyes as he cupped my cheek and held me against him. "I started out not knowing how to feel, but you drew me in... and you're still pulling me deeper into your heart with every second that passes. I'm genuinely in love with you, Bash. I truly am."

"I know, I can see it more and more in your eyes lately," he quietly snorted, tone lightening a bit; then he let out a sigh and leaned back against the bed, stretching his muscular legs out on the floor. "That is why I am... afraid. Even though I am with you and even though Jasper is no longer part of my life he was such a big part of it for so many years that I still hold out hope that he is doing well."

"But that's natural," I soothed, nuzzling his hot skin in gentle reassurance. "When you love someone as hard as you loved him, even if things end badly... deep down there's always a piece of you later on that's glad to see that they're doing well. Crazy as I am for it, I honestly wanted the same thing for William when I forcibly cut myself out of his life after the whole stabbing incident."

"That's my point, God damn it," Sebastian snapped. "See? This right here. I've never had this. Never, not once, with him... he never understood me to the extent that you seem to. Jasper never connected with me as deeply, or saw beneath the surface of my behavior, or even tried to figure me out. When I was with him, he felt... he felt like an extension of me. We were happy to be together, but it wasn't... deep. He was as much a part of me as my arms and legs, but you don't show love to those things or connect with them. They're just... there. You know they're reliable, know that they'll do everything you ask of them and you feel good about that, but it doesn't stab deep into the heart. That's what being with Jasper was like. With you... I feel it all. Its... truly enchanting."

I didn't say anything.

I tried to understand his words, and the way he described their relationship, but I couldn't.

"I just want both of us to be happy," I eventually said, pulling away and looking him in the eyes; to my muted surprise they were dark and held a sheen that hinted at repressed tears. His face was as stony as ever, but his eyes were wide open and telling me everything he was feeling.

"I am happy," he growled, clenching his jaw; his eyes scrunched as he cupped my cheek, thumb ghosting beneath my left eyelid. "But because of that... I am afraid, Aerin. I am afraid for you and our happiness together because of how fragile you are. I am afraid that one of these days I won't be near you and... and someone will... take your light from me, forever."