SLEEPSONG (BoyxBoy)✔️

Chapter 138

Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Eight

When I walked down the hall, I was dead set on ending it.

I was determined to walk in and talk to Sebastian even if he got mad at me, even if he hurt me, even if Jasper was right fucking there, I was going to walk in and tell the truth. I was going to tell him everything, consequences be damned. Every part of my being hummed with it.

My limbs tingled as I walked over to the door, grabbed the handle, and opened it without knocking.

I immediately froze.

My heart, battered and bruised, was ripped out of my chest then and there. Agony, grief, shock, horror, revulsion, and so many other things smashed into my gut so hard that I was actually surprised I remained standing.

I've been through a lot of pain in my life. Being stabbed and cut. Wolf teeth tearing into my shoulder. Broken bones. Hitting my head on the concrete, concussed, legs catching on glass. Being punched, and clawed, and abused. Being betrayed by my first love, thrown around like a rag doll. Replaying every bad thing that had ever happened to me. Feeling, watching, holding my sister as she'd died. Having my memories, my life, thrown into a fire out of sheer spite and hate.

All of those things had hurt. 

The worst quality about those moments, though, was how unexpected they were. 

A wolf's teeth slicing your skin open isn't a familiar sensation for most people. Neither are claws ripping your flesh, or getting stabbed, or having broken bones. I couldn't prepare myself for any of those pains, not only because I hadn't had the time to prepare myself, but because I'd had nothing to compare them to. Those instances were unique. Individual. Peerless.

This situation, however, over all the pain I had ever been through in my life... over being abused by my mother, over being attacked and nearly killed by my first love, over being tortured emotionally, physically, and psychologically by Bash in the beginning, and then his damaged werewolves after, over being left to die by Cassidy, over Richard throwing my photos into the fire, even over my sister's death... or perhaps, because of my sister's death... it was the final crack that shattered me.

You see, I had expected to see Sebastian lying on the bed reading or watching television the way he always did when he wanted to relax. What I saw instead made me want to vomit. 

Jasper was straddling him, completely naked, riding him.  Two familiar dark-skinned hands gripped those pale hips as he arched, powerful white back covered in a sheen of sweat, pleasuring himself on my man.

I stood there, feeling my insides and my heart and my mind completely self-destructing. 

Frozen, every single part of me going numb, prickles shocking me from my toes to my scalp.

Jasper turned, looking over his shoulder, eyes glazed and a look of wanton lust on his face. The world slowed to a crawl as his black eyes met mine, as smug as they were determined—and then he smiled and made a show of it, raising his arms behind his head. Arching. Smirking as he watched me shatter.

I couldn't see Sebastian's face... he wasn't making a sound, he wasn't even moving, and maybe that was better. With every movement Jasper made, every grind of his hips to join himself and the man I loved in the most precious of ways, I felt the severing of our connection the way one feels the breaking of a bone: visceral. Personal. 

With a burst of such severe pain my thoughts went dark, and blank, and empty. One moment I was there, all determination and seething pain and yearning—and the next I was gone, leaving naught but a gaping hole in the fabric of my soul to suggest I'd ever been there in the first place.