The Maze Runner Imagines

-what its like loosing you

"I remeber I was standing in the berg waiting for you, Minho and Thomas but yall never came, you never came. Minho came running yelling that he needed the serum, he refused to tell me why but I gave it to him and ran behind him. I had a feeling you werent going to make it but still I was in denial, there was no way in hell I was going to admit I was loosing the only person who kept me sane, kept me human and overall made me feel alive. There was no way Id ever admit I was loosing you Newt.

Then I did loose you and I wasnt sad or depressed. No, I was angry. I was so angry Newt, I was mad at Thomas even though I know you begged him to and I was even mad at you for leaving me when you promised youd never leave. More than anything though I was mad at WCKD for everything! For putting you in the maze to begin with, a boy who had a whole life a head of him. You could have got a job, got married, had kids and died a peacful death of old age but no you cant do that anymore and its all WCKDs fault! If they wouldnt have put you in the maze you wouldnt have been depressed and tried to kill yourself! You wouldnt have had a limp! You wouldnt be dead!

But slowly the anger faded and was replaced with blaming, I needed someone to blame and oh trust me WCKD was who I blamed a lot. I also blamed Thomas I told him he should have tried harder, should have kept you alive, I told him he let you and me down. I blamed Minho, I yelled at him telling him after running in the maze for three years that was as fast as he could run?! I told him he should have been faster. I blamed everyone Newt, I feel so bad for telling Tommy and Minho that is was their fault but I had to blame someone so after that I began to blame myself. I told myself maybe if I had brought it to yall to just be safe, maybe if I had been a bit smarter or if I could have loved you just a little bit more. I blamed myself more than anyone. You made me feel the most alive, yet I failed you by not keeping you alive and I am so sorry.

Then the worst part of loosing someone came, it was the part when it all started to sink in. This was the part where I became depressed, I didnt eat, didnt sleep, or talk to anyone for three months. I realized at this part I would never see you smile again or see your beautiful honey eyes I have caught myself getting lost in more than once. I would never hear your amazing accent that I would never get tired of, I could sit there and listen to you talk about anything for the rest of my life. I will never get to run my fingers through your sandy blonde hair or lay my head on your bare chest listening to your heartbeat as I fell asleep. Im never going to be able to tell you how much I love you again, all the things I wanted to do/loved to do Ill never get to do again.

The last month I have got to the point of acceptance. Ive realized no matter how much I cry, or scream or beg for you to come back your gone. Instead of dwelling over the fact that you are gone and there will be no us in the future, Ive decided that I would be grateful that I got to spend three years of my life with you. And I am so so grateful to have been able to love you and go through the journing I did with you by my side every step of the way, but now its time for me to go off on my own. I will always cherish every single moment I got to have with you, I am so thankful to have had the honor of having you in my life becuase you were simply an extraordinary person.

You made me know what its like to love someone so much that you would die for them in a heart beat. I now know what thats like and I also know that I would have given up anything including my life if that meant you would be happy. For you to be happy is all I ever want, now I truly and honestly believe you are happy and at peace. I dont think I will ever get over the fact that you are gone but like I said theres nothing I can do to change that so from this moment on I am not only living life for me but I want you ton continue to live through me. Just in case you were wondering that what its like loosing you" Y/n looked up from her paper as tears trailed down her face but a smile was present as she looked over the ocean watching the waves crash in front of the sunset.