The Bridesmaid

Chapter Fifty Seven

F I F T Y S E V E N

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We sat on the couch, Taehyung sniffling next to me as the both of us tried calming down. A part of me grew numb, not being able to process the situation in its entirety. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I had almost walked out.

"I don't know what I want to do." I finally spoke out and I feel Taehyung turn to look at me.

"Talk to me." He reached out to hold me, "and work things out." He gripped onto my hand a little tighter. "We've barely spoken about everything that happened and every time we get close to it, you shut me out. Let me in, Areum. Let's work through this together." His voice sounding close to a plead and I sink into the couch.

"I can't talk about this." I break eye contact, pulling my hand away from his as my fingers fiddled with each other.

"Don't you see? You're doing it again!" He exclaimed, traces of exhaustion in his voice.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled a little. "I'm just so tired of crying." My entire body relaxes as I melt into the seat. "Every time I come close to talking about it, my entire goes numb with pain and I'm tired of feeling that way." I exhaled and I notice his eyes soften.

"I don't know how to move on from this." I threw my head back with frustration, rubbing the sides of my forehead.

Taehyung stood up abruptly, walking into the room. My eyes follow his form as he comes back out with a few papers in his hands, placing it on the table.

"What is this?" I asked, looking at the piece of paper he had slid to me.

To Hana and Haneul,

That was written right at the top of the blank paper and I froze.

"It's the first step to moving on." Taehyung breathed out and I look up at him, mouth agape, not being able to find the right words. "I know that we didn't know if they were going to be boys or girls or both. But to us they were still Hana and Haneul." He said with a sad smile, his eyes getting teary.

"I heard that writing a letter to them helps." He stuffed his hand into his pocket, taking out a folded piece of paper. "I know it helped me," he placed the paper on the table.

I stared at the piece of paper, words already flooding my mind. "Here," Taehyung passed me a pen as he sat across from me.

My eyes studied the blank lines as I pressed the tip of the pen onto the paper. I take in a deep breath, closing my eyes as I prepared myself to finally let everything out. I exhaled, opening my eyes and I start writing, tears brimming my eyelashes as I feel the little empty space in my heart I had prepared for the babies more prominently.

I kept writing, words simply flowing out of me as I wrote to the babies that I had already loved. I didn't need to see them to know how perfect they would be. I had already learned to love them with a love I never knew existed.

As I wrote, tears dripped down my cheeks but it was somehow therapeutic. This cry wasn't gut wrenching or draining like all those I had before. This was calm, close to epiphanic. I was finally able to release my thoughts without the fear of being judged because this was just for them.

Love,
Your Mother.

I ended the letter, a part of the weight that had been holding me down getting lifted and finally, I smiled.

"Now what?" I whispered, wiping my cheeks as I looked to Taehyung who seemed a little relieved.

"I don't really know." He stuttered a bit. "Some people bury it, others-"

"We'll bury it." I stood up, holding onto his hand. "Can we?" I asked eagerly and a subtle smile spreads across his lips.

"Of course we can." He lets out a sigh, intertwining his fingers with mine as his eyes searched mine. "I know somewhere good, come on." He tugged onto my hand as he led me out of the apartment.

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"How did you find this place?" I stepped out of the car, looking at the picturesque scenery. There was a tiny lake, surrounded by trees. The foliage fell upon us like snow with one gust of wind, making everything just a little more memorable.

"Doesn't matter." He shook his head with a smile, "let's go." He stuck out his hand for me to grab and I did without hesitation.

We walked towards the lake, finding a nice spot. "Here's good." I peep, pointing at an area close to the biggest tree.

"Okay," and the both of us knelt down, digging with our bare hands. As soon as we made a little dent, we place both our letters in. "You ready?" Taehyung looked down at me and with a deep breath, I nodded.

The both of us push back the soil, covering the letters until it was completely blanketed. "Here," Taehyung gave me a wet tissue he had prepared himself with.

I wiped my hands and so did he as we found a spot to sit down for a bit. "Thank you," I let out, looking to Taehyung. "I really needed this." I sighed, feeling better. This small act managed to put my mind at ease, mainly because I finally managed to get somewhat of a closure.

"Of course, love." He leaned in, kissing the top of my head. "I needed this too." He nodded to himself.

"I'm sorry I-"

"It's okay," he cut me off with the sweetest smile. "It hasn't been easy for you, I understand." He squeezed my hand a little but I shook my head.

"I wasn't in the right state of mind but it doesn't excuse me from what I said." I sighed and Taehyung shifts his body slightly so that he'd face me. "I'm not going to leave you, ever. You know that, right?" I say as his eyes pierced through mine.

"I know that now," he nudged my shoulder with his lightly and I simply nod, resting my head on him.

"I love you." I let out as the both of us basked in the calm surroundings for a bit, until I notice a little something on the trees. "Are those lights?" I asked the moment I noticed them hanging from tree to tree.

"Hm?" Taehyung looked at me right before looking up. His eyes widen a bit as the corner of his lips lifted into a smile. "Yea," he chuckled, shaking his head.

"Taehyung, what is this place, really?" I turned to look at him and he shook his head.

"Don't worry about that. Come on, we should go." He stood up, reaching out to lift me up too.

"Taehyung, tell me." I pulled him back slightly as I got up and he turns to me, pulling me closer to him. My body hits his softly as he lowered his head to look at me.

"You'll know soon." He whispered, a smile splayed across his lips, "but for now, I want to get you home."