The Accident

Chapter 31

The next month was a struggle and many times you were sure things would end between you and Chris permanently. After the talk between you and Chris at the hotel room in New York, you decided to let him in once again to help you.

You both flew back to Los Angeles the next day and got right back to work. Upping your appointments with your psychiatrist to twice a week, along with a seeing a counselor weekly. But those appointments didn't stop the nightmares from happening.

It was a near nightly battle with your mind trying to get some half decent sleep; your screams waking up not only you and Chris, but Dodger as he fled from the room each night. Your voice was hoarse, throat soar from the screams.

You didn't want to forget what happened with your mother, you just wanted to be able to sleep without being plagued with those memories each time you closed your eyes.

As much as he didn't want to leave you for too long, he had no choice as it pertained to a business meeting for an upcoming film he had been dreaming about directing. You assured him time and time again that you would be fine for the day by yourself. It was a Saturday morning that he left, and wouldn't be home until late afternoon or even early evening.

By 10 a.m that morning, you gave up on trying to get any sleep and instead went to sit on the couch in the living room. You were exhausted from all the therapy appointments and getting maybe two hours of sleep a night; it was draining on your mind and body. The medications they also gave you were making you feel somewhat of a zombie, but you knew it would take weeks to get the right doses for you and for you to start feeling yourself again.

Spending the day staring blankly at the television, not even bothering to pay attention to what was on the screen is what you had done. You felt numb and broken all over again; the memories invading your mind like a plague, never letting you forget. You just wanted a little piece of quiet; it was all you asked for but never received. Guilt rippled through you and you didn't think you could handle any more.

You remembered how this had already happened to you; how you already overcame this struggle once in your lifetime. It never occurred to you how hard it could be to go through the same exact thing a second time. Your heart was heavy just thinking about it and it broke you. You didn't want this. You just wanted it to end; to stop the misery.

Checking your phone, you saw there were missed texts from Chris.

3 P.M

Chris: Hey sweetheart, just checking in with you. I miss you.

4:30 P.M

Chris: I love you Erica

5:15 P.M

Chris: The meeting is taking longer than I thought. I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'll call you as soon as I leave. I can pick up some dinner if you'd like. Let me know

More guilt seeped into your body and you were overcome with tears spilling from your cheek. Dodger sat by your feet, whimpering at your sadness. Chris didn't deserve the mess that you had become. He deserved someone happy; someone he could share his joy with. Even though he said there was nothing you could do for him to leave you, you just didn't think you were strong enough to go through this a second time.

You decided to give him a text, not wanting to worry him to the point where he would leave his meeting early and ruin such a great opportunity.

Erica: Just sitting here with Dodger and watching some tv. I'll see you when you get home.

Grabbing a bottle of vodka from the cabinet, you went into the bedroom and pulled out a box of photos from a box hidden in the closet. It had been there since when you moved in with Chris; but had been forgotten until your memories found their way to you again.