Hamilton Soccer Moms AU

Kidz Bop

"Hey, Philip," Theodosia said, waving her arm in the air. She walked across the hoards of screaming kids and teachers chasing after them to join him by a window. He stared out at the playground being pelted with rain. The worst type of recess had been bestowed upon them: indoor recess. 

"Hi, Theo," Philip mumbled somewhat dejectedly, not breaking his gaze from the raindrop splattered window.

"What's got you bummed out?" she asked, sitting down on the windowsill next to him.

"Look around us, Theo. The world as we know it is crumbling. We only have so many years on this Earth left. Soon, we'll be like our parents, sad and bitter. We'll end up in a dead end job and have to deal with taxes. And then we die. I just don't see the point..." Philip trailed off. He placed one hand on the cool window and let it slump down.

Theo glanced around with a confused look. A kid on the rug looked around before stuffing a marker up his nose and then proceeding to cry when he couldn't get it out. "I don't think we're quite there yet," Theo said kindly. "Now, what's really got you down?"

"The monotonous existence of the human life," Philip replied. She gave him a long look. "I got rejected from Kidz Bop," Philip begrudgingly told her.

"I see. Well, there's always other opportunities," Theo said consolingly while patting Philip's back.

"You don't understand, Theo. My whole life is ruined! What am I to do without the financial stability that Kidz Bop would have offered? And not to mention how it would have set my career in motion! P&P Raps would go big. Me and Peggy on tour! But now, I've thrown it all away," Philip said.

"Maybe you could be something else-" Theo began to suggest.

"Rapping is my life! There's no other way for me. It's either that or me living in a box on the streets," Philip bemoaned dramatically.

"My future husb- I mean, you can't live in a box! I'm sure you can still be a rapper without Kidz Bop," Theo said, blushing profusely.

"I doubt it. I'll work at a bar making minimum wage with a gig here and there. But I never get big, only another sad excuse of an artist," Philip said with a long sigh and a swig of his juice box.

"What about Angelica? Didn't she try out too?" Theo asked, attempting to change the subject.

Philip groaned, collapsing into his hands. "Why must the world hate me?!!" Philip lamented. 

"So, I take that she got in?" Theo guessed. 

Philip picked his head up out of his hands and glared at her. "Of course she did! As if my suffering wasn't enough! She's here bragging and bragging and bragging!"

"Philip," Mrs. Turner scolded, "inside voices."

"I'm having a mental breakdown. I don't have time for an inside voice," Philip muttered. 

"Um, how's James Alexander and Alexander Jr.?" Theo tried to change the subject once again.

"Absolutely brilliant," Philip replied sardonically. "They're stars in the preschools musical."

"John Church? A baby can't have done anything better than you, right?"

"He's all Mom and Pops can talk about! Constantly cooing over him! He sits at the head of the table with that stupid bib as Mom spoonfeeds him like he's a king." Philip waved his arms in the air exasperatedly.

"Oh, I know that pain. New baby and suddenly you're old news." Amelia sauntered over from a desk and stood in front of them.

"Didn't you say you were the youngest?" Theo pointed out.

Amelia ignored her and continued on. "Soon enough that picture you drew is off the fridge, replaced with baby pictures."

"Exactly!" Philip agreed. Theo felt awkward. Being an only child, she couldn't relate to any of this.

"Speaking of birthdays-" Amelia began.

"Nobody said anything about birthdays," Theo interrupted.

Amelia continued on with a glare sent in Theo's direction.  "Would you two want to come to mine?" She pulled two white envelopes out of her pink bedazzled jacket and handed them over with a grin.

"Both of us?" Philip and Theo questioned at the same time.

"Of course!" Amelia chirped. "Will you please come? It'll be a sleepover and my dad is gonna take us to Justice to go on a shopping spree. There'll be cupcakes, makeovers, and even the newest American Girl Doll movie!"

"Blaire Wilson?" Theo gasped. (That's the girl of the year. I had to look it up lol) Theo had been apprehensive at first. Why would Amelia invite her after all that had happened this year? But no sane third grader could resist all that. 

Amelia nodded her head excitedly. 

"I don't know about that..." Philip trailed off. "I'm kinda busy that night."

"I already emailed your mom. She said you can come," Amelia said. "Oh, please come, Philly!"

"I'll think about it."

~That night at the Hamilton household~

"MOM!" Angelica shrieked.

Eliza poked her head out of the kitchen. "What is it?"

"I need a horse! Stat!" She held her hand out impatiently. "I need to practice for the filming on Saturday."

Philip slumped deeper into the couch with a long sigh at the slight mention of Angelica's Kidz Bop career. This Saturday she would officially be a Kidz Bop Kid in the new music video for Old Town Road.

"Let me ask your dad." Eliza walked over and knocked on his office door. Since there was no answer (as usual) Eliza walked on in only to find Alexander watching My Little Pony and singing along to the theme song. Noticing her, he abruptly stopped singing and slammed the computer screen shut. 

"Eliza! What have I told you about knocking?" He pushed her out of his office and shut the door behind her. Philip and Angelica looked up at her. Eliza simply shrugged at them.

Eliza knocked. "Only come in if you are prepared not to make fun of me."

"No promises, you bronie," Eliza replied as she walked into the office. "You know I thought you were working late into the night, but now I know the truth. You just watch small horses talk about friendship."

"They. Are. Ponies. Not small horses," Alexander corrected, very triggered. "And I do work late into the night. This was a one-time circumstance."

"Says the person who was singing the theme song. Anyways, do you know where Angelica's horse is?"

He chucked a horses head on a stick at her. "Why do you have th-" Eliza began to ask.

"Leave," he said, pointing at the door. "I'm done with your ridicule."

"Or you just want to get back to some show about small horses."

"LEAVE!"

Eliza left with a smirk and a horse on a stick. She handed it to Angelica, who started trotting around on it while singing which sent Philip into a deeper depression over his loss of Kidz Bop and John Church to start crying and Chicken Nugget to suddenly have to go to the bathroom and left Eliza to deal with it all.