Always and Forever ~2

Moving On or Failing to Live

What are your thoughts on Kai?

Klaus' POV

I should have been stronger for her. I should have been better. All of these things I wanted and should have done for her all gone as I have failed her. It's been months since her death and failed consecration. The witches have no idea why the ceremony failed. They are attributing it to Sofia being a different witch than anyone knew but the feeling in my heart is worse. What if she no longer wants to be near me and would rather float around alone than come back to me? I did kill her after all, but I wish more than anything I could take it back and have her in my arms again.

I tried mourning her properly by painting her and spending time in our room but the more I smelt or even remembered her the more pain it brought me. I've never experienced pain and loss like and I have no idea how to move on. To make matters worse our child will be born soon and Hayley says the baby is restless. Always kicking and turning and she believes it has to do with Sofia being dead and the baby knowing her mother is no longer with her. No longer able to hold her once she's born. Tell her she loves her. I wish I was a better man that would grieve alone and keep the love of my life always on my mind but I'm far from that man. I'm a monster. Just like her last words were to me I plan to live up to them.

Painting her was helping in the beginning but it just reminded me she was no longer around and never would be. I decided to hide all remembrance of her not needing to relive me stabbing every waking moment. I already have nightmares of it and reliving how much she hates me for what I did and what I've done. She was an angel that I didn't deserve and killed because of my anger. She was a casualty of my damaged life and I can never bring her back. 

I've found comfort painting postmodern art in the middle of Jackson Square. Where I could be one with the city I call home as I fight to forget what pains me most. They say the passage of time will heal all wounds...but the greater the loss, the deeper the cut. And the more difficult the process to become whole again. The pain may fade, but scars serve as a reminder of our suffering. And make the bearer all the more resolved. Never to be wounded again. I've stooped as low as finding comfort in fooling around with one of the New Orleans witches. Genevieve the one who told me of Rebekah's betrayal. She has been a good distraction from what I've lost and will never have. She believes she holds a place in my cold heart but she is wrong. No one will ever replace Sofia but I need to forget her for a few centuries so I can make it through this horrid world.

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Genevieve proceeds to lounge in my painting room in little to nothing as I admire my newest painting. "Now we are healed and we begin anew," I explain to her the details of the meaning of my painting.

"Sounds like a man who has made peace with his demons."

"I have no demons. They are all dead or chased off."

"Yes, apart from the one lingering monster with who you share a bed." Elijah comes into the room with judgment all over his face. "I trust you can find your clothing and the door." He holds up her shoes and she strides over to him and leaves us.

"Sofia is not gone but a mere few months and you've already jumped into bed with the woman who tortured our sister."

"Do not speak of her brother. She is not to be mentioned again!" I warn him as I down my drink.

"Ignoring or trying to forget the woman who made you whole is no way to live Niklaus."

"You know nothing Elijah. I tried your way and all it left me with is false hope of seeing my Sofia again. I'm doing things my way. Who I chose to spend my time with is none of your business."