Silver

Chapter 30

I listened to the quiet pitter patter of rain against the window pane, drawing in a deep breath as I stared absentmindedly at the grey sky outside. The clouds were swirling slowly, as if they were waiting for something- something to trigger a tempest. They very much reflected my emotions, swirling and muddled and gloomy. I didn't try to process them much (which was stupid) but I hurt too much to address them. Every moment I spent thinking about the last 48 hours ended up with my skin starting to glow again. The shackles on my soul aren't as fortified as they once were. 

So, I stared out the window, watching the clouds swirl. 

It was calming, really. 

As calming as it was, Siena and Allison refused to accept my solitude and let me be. They were in and out every half an hour checking on me, asking if I needed food or a book or wanted to head back to the gym. I'd already been there twice today. That was the only time I'd left this room- to go beat up four punching bags. 

That's right. 

Four. 

I went through four of them. 

Siena had found it entertaining, and even took a few videos, I think. Allison, on the other hand, seemed distraught. 

'Destroying things isn't going to fix your relationship,' she had said.

'You need to talk this out.'

'Don't hide everything inside, let us help you.'

No. I needed to be mad. I needed to feel numb. I needed to feel the anguish and despair of losing the one person I'd ever let into my heart. I needed to know what this was like so I wouldn't do it again. 

Part of me knew he would try to worm his way back into my life, try to find a way to amend his mistake. I knew that when he did, I would want to give in. It would be all too easy to let him and his beautiful soul back into my heart where I felt like they belonged. He was the very definition of temptation, after all. 

And more than anything in this world I wanted him back. I wanted things back the way they were. 

I wanted to be back in Washington, drinking coffee and watching the waves crash down on the bay below his peninsula. 

I wanted to be back in between those evergreen trees, racing through the forest to see if I could out-sprint him yet. 

I wanted to be back in the gym, throwing right hooks and roundhouse kicks until I knew I finally had him beat. 

I wanted to be back in his arms, warm and secure, where I knew I was safe. 

I wanted to be back in his heart, where I knew I was loved. 

Never again. Never again would I feel that way. He was my shot in the dark- my last hopeful arrow- and I'd missed. 

But perhaps it's better this way. I no longer had any conflicts with Heaven. Once Suriel got instructions from the Archangels, I could sever all ties with Grey and move on. I could officially Pledge to Heaven and spend the rest of eternity fighting for the innocent. Once the Reckoning came, I could fight until my last breath without regrets- without knowing I would leave anyone behind. I could swirl away like those clouds, up and into oblivion. 

A small comfort, perhaps, but a comfort nonetheless. 

A knock resounded through the apartment, sounding a little far off at first, but slowly becoming clearer as I honed my senses in. I heard a set of footsteps walk over to the front door and the hinges slowly creak open. 

"What do you want?" I heard Siena's hushed guttural growl. 

At that, I honed in my hearing further until I could hear a heartbeat. It was slow, but strong and steady. It sounded like music to my ears, like a war drum beating so confidently that my own heart was tempted to fall into that steady rhythm.