Good Omens Oneshots

Forever [Aziraphale X Reader X Crowley]

"[Y/N]!" two voices slurred over the phone. You had answered, seeing it was Crowley. But the moment you heard their voices you knew exactly what was going on. Sighing, you stood from where you were sitting and grabbed your car keys.

"Drunk again?"

"C-Could you drive us to Azirah...Aziraphil...Aziraphale's bookshop?" Crowley hiccupped and struggled with his best friend's name. "We've got reading to do!"

"I thought you didn't read," you chided.

"It was a joooke," Crowley whined. "B-but seriously...couldyou pickus up?"

"I'm already getting to my care," you said. "Where are you two at?"

"Wh...Where are we at, Angel?"

You heard some murmuring between the two as they tried to figure out where they were. You sighed and started your car. Your fingers tapped on the steering wheel, waiting for them to decide the destination.

"Oh! We're at Purgatory," Crowley said with shock.

"Gotcha," you reversed your car out of where it was parked and headed to the winery that the two tended to frequent whenever they were in the mood to drink wine. "I'll be there soon."

"THEY'LL BE HERE SOON!" You winced as Crowley's voice blared through your ear.

"Oh goody!" a faint Aziraphale cheered in the background.

Not wanting to risk hearing any more yelling from either of them, you quickly hung up your phone and focused on driving through the streets of London. It wasn't long before you pulled up to the winery. Crowley and Aziraphale were standing out front. Both had a bottle of wine and were leaning against each other while swaying back and forth.

"I swear," you muttered under your breath and got out of the car. "Oy, let's get a move on, yeah?"

The two shot their heads in your direction and cheered. They stumbled over towards you and both pulled you in for a bear hug.

"I''m sooo glad to see you," Aziraphale hummed.

Crowley was the first to pull away and slithered into your car. He rolled down the windows and laid down all across the back seat with his feet sticking out the window. Aziraphale was barely able to crawl into the front seat without dropping his bottle of wine. You rolled your eyes at the pair and quickly got in the driver's seat.

"Are either of you going to get sick?"

"Angels don' get sick," Aziraphale said while holding the bottle of wine like a baby.

"No, but you do get very, very drunk," you said and started driving as smoothly as possible towards his bookshop.

"Ya know," Crowley said and lifted his head off of the seat to look at you. "I don't think I've ever seen you drink."

"Humans have to drink to survive," Aziraphale said, very sure of himself.

"That's tea! They have to drink tea to survive!"

"Oh," Aziraphale said with a nod of his head and muttering tea to himself. You didn't bother to correct them.

"What I meant...What I meant was that I've never seen you drink alcohol."

"That's because I don't drink alcohol," you said.

Crowley sat up so quickly he slammed his head into his knee. "We have to fix that. Give them wine," Crowley said with a groan.

"Here." Aziraphale held out his bottle of wine to you, and put the end of it to your lips, as though he were trying to feed a baby.

"Azira—Aziraphale, stop! I'm driving." You tried to swat the bottle away from you, but he still kept putting it up to your mouth, even though the cork was still in it.