Good Omens Oneshots

Grocery Shopping Headcanon

Art is mine

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Pros of following me on tumblr? I take headcanon requests on Mondays and Wednesdays while I'm on the train. I only take them on there, though.

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Hi! If it doesn't bother you, I have a headcanon of Crowley and Aziraphale doing groceries post-armageddon't (because why not?) and someone starts flirting with Crowley (who's too focused on choosing cereal to notice nor care) so he just nods and says "that's nice" to the flirty stranger. Cut to Aziraphale a few steps away from them LOOSING IT because "excuSE ME SIR THAT THERE IS MY DEMON HOW DARE YOU-"

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Aziraphale and Crowley had to go grocery shopping. Adam and The Them were going to come over to eat. Normally, they'd miracle some food up, but Aziraphale insisted on actually making some food.

Is miracled food not as healthy as normal food? Where does it fall along with GMOs? Is it a GMO thing 'cause it was genetically modified by it suddenly existing. Crowley got very frustrated with that because he didn't know.

So the demon and the angel went to the grocery store to look for food that was perhaps healthier than miracled food. Perhaps less healthy. Normal Human Food.

"What do kids like to eat?" Aziraphale asked. Crowley, who was used to feeding a stubborn kid with Warlock, knew the answer. Of course, he was trying to make the kid evil, so he would make the kid eat evil foods. Like onions. So now he had to mix in good foods. Like apples.

Aziraphale had a recipe book that they went down the list for. Crowley was bushing the trolly. He was mostly leaning horizontally on it as it basically pulled him.

Aziraphale took time examining just about every fresh produce they had. He had to pick the best one.

After they got fresh produce, marking off just about everything on their list. They got meat, pastas, dairy products, and whatever normal ingredients they needed. They already had spices at home. Crowley believed that every kitchen just had a spice rack. So one was there the day they moved into the cottage together. Aziraphale didn't have the heart to tell him that's not how it works.

Crowley also tried to grab some alcohol - they were kids, they'd need to drink, angel! - but Aziraphale promptly told him that there would be no alcohol whilst the children were there.

Azriaphale thought they had everything they needed, and started to lead Crowley towards the checkout. However, Crowley told him that they needed cereal in case they burnt the kitchen down the kids didn't like what they made.

Cereal is always a good back up food. Always.

Aziraphale ended up having a short attention span and examined the variety of teas and hot cocoas they had a distance down the cereal aisle while Crowley picked out what he thought was best.

That's when some punk-ass person approached Crowley.

"Lots of cereals, huh?" they asked. Crowley hummed in agreement while looking for them.

Why were there so many cereals? Did some crunchy breakfast foods really need that many different flavors and brands?

"I like your sunglasses. Light sensitivity or something?"

"Mmm." Whole grain. Is that good? Probably.

"I bet you have really nice eyes."

"Yeah," he read the calories and nutrients. Is 1% of something good? That seems low.

Crowley felt a hand on his arm and he glanced down to see a human smile at him. Crowley raised a confused eyebrow.

"Excuse me!" Crowley glanced over to see a very cross looking Aziraphale. Aziraphale pushed past the human and grabbed Crowley's arm. "You have the cereal, don't you dear?" He glared at the human. "Leave him alone."

The human blinked in confusion before shrugging and walking off.

Aziraphale snapped his fingers. The human's shoelaces were suddenly tied together and they fell on their face.

Crowley realized that he needed to be more aware of what was going on around him after that. Still, he wouldn't let Aziraphale live that down - him getting envious and wrathful.