Dating Mr. CEO

17

ELROY

   I thought I had screwed everything up, the moment I told Fay about my past relationship with Yvonne, but turns out she took it the way I hoped she would. but it did open my eyes to somethings. For the sake of grandma, I might just try to make our relationship work. No matter how impossible that may seem. But I had to show Yvonne she wasn't capable of swaying Fay in her own path.

If I could try to pull Fay back to me by making our relationship work, then I could at least, kill two birds with one stone. I'd shove Yvonne into a corner and at the same time, make grandma happy.

The thing now was, how the hell can I pull Fay back to me?

She was never yours. My mind screamed at me.

Fine, I haven't been the best Boyfriend to her, for over three years of our relationship. It would be really difficult to get her to trust me. I don't even trust myself, talk less of her trusting me.

I sighed, relaxing on my office chair, while I gently tapped my sketch pencil to my head, thinking of ways to get Fay.

Honestly, I was never one to rack my brain over a perfect date or the perfect Boyfriend act. Ever since I lost my parents, I lost everything.

I couldn't help but blame myself for their deaths. if I hadn't gotten that insane out of the blue asthma attack, they would have been alive today. We were on our way back from the hospital, where the doctor told us that it was due to maybe cold or allergies, my parents got an inhaler, Incase the incident occurred again.

It was storming heavily that night, as my dad tried to make a turn without going out of his lane. But the light coming ahead of us was too bright that it made the three of us squint our eyes, the next thing I felt my the car spinning around.

I woke up later to hear the brain storming news of their deaths. I couldn't even bring myself to cry. I caused it all. It was all my fault. I knew everyone secretly blamed me for what happened but they choose to withhold their thoughts to themselves, but I knew.

Ever since that day, I never got any attacks again. It was almost like it never happened, and that was the crazy part. My brothers might even think I faked it. But I didn't.

Everyone cried at the funeral, but I didn't, I was emotionally unstable and I used that condition as a front... Till today.

I never attended any of their remembrance, my whole family member would go, but- I would make up an excuse, or maybe travel out of Miami and out of reach. The last time I saw them was at their funeral, and I planned on never going there till I breath my last.

I honestly had no right to see them, or even tell them how much I missed them, because I knew I was responsible for what happened that night, and no matter how hard I tried to make myself feel not responsible, I end up feeling like I was the one controlling the stirring wheel of the car.

I dated Yvonne because I liked her, and because it served as a distraction from my hunting thoughts and growing insanity. She knew about everything, how I felt about my parents and all... I confided in her because I trusted her. She would always try to make me feel okay anytime I had one of those crazy nightmares, which I hadn't gotten for years now.

She wanted to keep our relationship secret because of her Dad- if I had known the real reason why she wanted to keep it secret, I wouldn't have trusted her to handle my unstable heart.

But then, she ended the relationship.

It hurt at that time, but I decided to use that feeling of hurt, I used it to block out all the crazy feelings, all the useless emotions. And now... Here we are.

I can't even bring myself to act out the role of a good Boyfriend... If I can't even act it out, how the hell am I supposed to be what Fay wants me to be for real?

I sighed, sitting up.

My initial plan was to act it out. But now that I couldn't, the next thing I wanted to try out was to be her boyfriend for real, and if that didn't work out, then maybe I would come to the acceptance that I was too broken to even remotely feel anything.

I blinked.

Am I honestly considering this? A lot of wrong could come out of it but- If I wanted to win at this game, I'd have to do whatever it takes...

I'll try to make it work without breaking down the walls of my pent up insanity building past.

Karen would tell me that I needed to work through the feelings of my past. She would tell me that I could never move forward if I continued to blame myself for my parents death, if I continued to make excuses for not visiting them at their graves. She would tell me that my feelings were capable of hurting me, she would tell me to accept the fact that they were truly gone and that, I wasn't in any way responsible for that.

Karen's method of solving certain issues was way different from my method... My method was less painful. Hers meant going through emotional hell, and I couldn't bring myself to feel that... I don't think I'll ever survive through it.

That was exactly why I stopped seeing her for advice. She wasn't helping.

If I ever wanted to get Fay to trust me, I'd try to put more efforts into the relationship, for grandma's sake and nothing else.

I knew I could never like her the way I once liked Yvonne, and I knew the reason why. It was actually because I never processed through the feeling of hurt over the break up, instead of following Karen's usual advice, I decided to use my own method, I used the feeling to block out every other emotions. In other to pull myself out of my emotional block, I'd have to let it sink in, I'd have to break down those walls and risk tampering with my sanity.

Fay wasn't worth the risk. No she wasn't.

I relaxed back on my chair again, looking out the large window to see that it was so dark already.

Shit... How long have I been in the office?

I was about to check the time when my door pushed open, revealing the subject matter of my thoughts.

Fay Handerson.