Wanted

•Calm•

       {•Edited•}
    A month later...
                           ~Bex's POV~

        "Are you sure you're not sick?" Zav asks, pulling out of me. I nod, turning onto my side. Holding the sheet closely to my chest.
     "I'm sure," I tell him, taking a deep breath. He lays down beside me, looking in confusion. I can't blame him at all. I would be confused too if my boyfriend suddenly stopped getting turned on enough to have good sex. I mean, the man was between my legs for a good twenty minutes, but I was thinking too much. "My head just hasn't been here recently; I'm sorry. I promise it's nothing else."
     "If something else was wrong you'd tell me?" I nod, leaning in and catching his lips with mine. See this, this makes me relax, cause I'm actually doing something. His hand rests on my bare side, tracing down my ribcage slowly. My eyes flutter shut.
     "We should get to sleep," I say, pulling back.
     "Yeah," he says, taking a deep breath. Teaching over, he turns off the nightstand lamp on his side while I do the same. "I love you. You can talk to me about whatever it is that's worrying you so much." Looking into his eyes, even in the dark now, I can tell he means every word.
    "I know I can, thank you. I think this is just one of those things that only gets better with time."
   •••••
       
"YOUR MOM SEEN MY DICK!" Zav yells, running into the room with a towel around his waist. I cover my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing. She's really not a fan of the living situation, so he's finally decided that it's safe to go back. It's was dangerous before, but none of us wanted her there alone.
"She's seen it before. That day she caught us," I tell him, looking at myself in the mirror. She needs to come out of me already. My doctor said I haven't even gained half the amount of weight most pregnant women gain, but it feels like I've turned into an elephant. I'm never doing this again, one kid will the enough.
"That was different," he says, pulling boxers on. "I FROZE!"
"Why didn't you just cover yourself?" He tilts his head to the side, looking at me through the mirror.
"We both know that even if I tried, it wouldn't have worked."
••••••

The drive to my mom's house was quiet and relaxing, the only noise being the radio and some of my mom and Zav's small talk. She seems to be a fan of him; at least she hasn't said anything to me yet. My dad's thoughts on him are nothing to be worried about. Her, I was expecting her to be a little iffy about him.
My phone starts ringing once I'm halfway up the stairs on the way to my room. Digging into my pocket, I take out my phone and look at the screen to see a list of numbers slide across the top of the screen in big white numbers. As soon as I press it to my head and hear that horribly familiar recording telling me that an "inmate" is making a "recorded" call, I feel a weight be lifted from my shoulders.
I press the number she tells me to in order to take the call, sitting down on the top of the stairs. My heart is hammering in my chest. "Hello?" I ask.
"Hey," Alaric's voice says from the other line. It's hardly recognizable due to the horrible reception, but I could tell if someone were him by the back of his head.
"They're letting you guys make calls now?" I ask as if he's not on the phone with me now. I wipe away my tears before they can slide too far down my cheeks.
"Yeah, there's a lot that happened," he says. My brows pull together. "I haven't spoken to your dad or Castel, but...I talked to Tobias." My eyes nearly bug out of my head.
"Why the hell would you do that?" I ask angrily. He sighs.
"I can't say right now, but talk to Atticus about it," he tells me. "I have to go, but I love you. Tell your mom and mine that I love them too. I'll call her as soon as I can." Before I can say anything else that damn recording is telling me that the time is up.
I set my phone down next to me, staring blanket at the painting to my side. I thought I would feel better if he called, especially since that meant that things were moving forward, but it's making things more real. I feel numb, like something in me has shut off and all I can feel is this never leaving pain that has been here for too long now.
•••••

Laying in bed, it feels weird to be by myself. I've grown used the past two weeks to sleeping in Zav's protective arms. I stayed while my mom was there for her to feel less uncomfortable. It was nice to fall asleep and wake up next to him every morning and night. It gave me something to look forward too. The nights were mostly either filled with conversations or the door getting locked.
But tonight I'm lying in bed with a demon I like to call my head.
That weight that I thought was removed with Alaric called today has been removed by one much heavier and this time it's on my chest, trying to suffocate me. I'm thinking of finally letting it.
I'm tired. My mind is tired. My body is tired. I don't remember the last time I could say I was happy for more than three minutes at a time without a huge comedown of depression.
Getting out of bed, I put on my hoodie that I left in the edge of my bed and walk out of my room. The lamp next to the couch downstairs is still on, giving the area a dim look. Turning into the bathroom and seeing myself in the mirror, something just snaps in me.
My eyes well up with tears as I bend down to open the drawer under the sink and grab the first pill bottle I see. Opening the cabinet, I grab the small cup we keep in there for after brushing our teeth. I take the hoodie off, suddenly feeling like I'm on fire.
Filling the cup with water, I thought my mind would start racing with reasons for me not to do this, but the only reason to come. Opening the bottle up, I spill out a good amount on the counter, taking one last look at myself in the mirror.
Will I regret this? Maybe, but I won't live to know.
••••••

At first, I felt calm and relaxed by the time I hit pull number five, but by now my head is killing me to the point where I'm laying on the floor and struggling to breathe. I knew taking a bullet to the head was probably an easier option, but I thought this would be quicker. It's taking forever.
"Bex!" My mom's voice calls. I wince loudly at the sound, covering my ears as the heartache gets worse. She knocks repeatedly on the door, each one louder than the other. I don't have enough energy or even the ability to get up when the lock starts turning from the other side. The door swings open, hitting against my legs instead of the wall due to my current position.
Her eyes widen in horror, looking at the pill bottle to me on the floor. Getting down to her knees, she grabs me by the arm, pulling me up. My body falls limp against her, my eyes trying to close. Forcing my mouth open by squeezing my jaw, she forces two fingers down my throat and presses down. Automatically I start gagging, leaning over the toilet to throw up.
My mom legs out a sad sob, getting up and grabbing her phone from her pocket and a towel. She sets the towel beside me for when I'm done. She cleans her hands off, makeup running down her face.
I press myself against the wall once I'm done, wiping my mouth off with the towel she gave me. Her hands grip the edge of the sink, her knuckles turning a grayish-white.
"I knew something like this would happen," she cries looking down at me. Hot tears run down my face as well. My vision is blurred. "I know you miss Alaric, and your dad and Castel. It's hard. BUT WE DON'T DO THIS!" She yells, taking deep breaths.
She grabs my hands and pulls me up. All strength in my body is lost. She manages to keep me upright. "I'm sorry," I cry. She brushes my hair out of my face.
"I'm gonna take you the hospital to make sure you're okay. We'll talk about everything after."
••••••

It seems they've performed every test they possibly could on me, all coming back that I was fine. My body feels like it's floating in a strange way, but I think that's from the stuff they gave me for my nausea. My mom is helping the nurse with my paperwork in the front, my hands too shaky to fill them out myself.
When the door opens, I'm hoping to see my mom walking in to say I can go home, but it's Zav. His hair is messed up and eyes are red. He doesn't say anything, just looks at me, letting the door close on its own. Rubbing his lips together, his eyes move around the floor.
"Can you please say something," I mumble, my voice barely high enough to hear. He picks his head up, looking over at me.
"You scared the living hell out of me," he says, his jaw clenching. I look down at the extra sheet the nurse gave me. "When your mom called, telling me you tried killing yourself was the last thing I was expecting her to say. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a bunch of cops roaming around looking for me for speeding the way here."
"I'm sorry," I say. He sighs, walking over to me. He grabs the chair and moves it closer to the bed. "I wasn't thinking, I just...I just knew I was done. I'm tired. Everything else just didn't matter. I-I didn't even stop to think about what could happen," I say, my vision getting blurred. He grabs my hand and squeezes it.
"I talked to your mom on the way in here and the baby is fine; which we're very lucky about. They want to keep you overnight just to make sure there aren't any prolonged effects," he tells me. I nod tiredly, not letting his hand go.
"Can you stay with me?" I ask, not knowing how long my mom will be out there. Being alone is the worst thing for me right now. He leans forehead, kissing the tip of my nose.
"Of course."

AN: I accidentally published the chapter hit here ya go