Wanted

•Change In My Story•

      {•Unedited•}
                            ~Bex's POV~

       Zav's hand runs up and down my back, relaxing me to the point of almost falling asleep again. My awakening was very much welcomed despite going to sleep so late. He has to get up soon for a flight, so I'm thankful for this short time before he goes. Last night he spent a book half an hour packing, making sure to bring extra because he doesn't know how long he'll be gone for.
     "I can't believe I'm going to miss Vina's first day of school. I can tell she's nervous about it," he says, brushing all my hair back. His hand on the side of my face and fingers in my hair soothes me, a moan of pleasure leaving my lips. "We just finished. Are you really moaning again?"
    "Don't stop. And I'm sure Vina will be fine, if not we can look at other options. She's a smart girl, she'll be able to learn however she has to."    He applies a small bit of pressure to my temple with his thumb every time it runs over the area. I have faith that Vina will be able to handle school, and if she can't then we'll figure it out. Of course, I would rather her go to a public school and experience everything she should, but we also have to do what we must. "We should sleep, you have to leave in a few hours."
   "I don't want to leave you. Are you sure you don't want to just come? Vina could stay with Connie or my sister?" The thought of taking off to Mexico with him for work gives me anxiety. I would go if I had a death wish. I need to be here for Vina's first day of school and every day after. If something happens I have to be here.
   "I'll be okay. I have to stay with Vina. You know I don't do good with distance." It's true, it's almost pathetic in a way. My attachment to her will one day embarrass her. I'm way too over protective even though I want her to have fun; I often get on my own nerves because of that.
    "I'm gonna miss you. Everything about you," he says, reaching between my legs. "Just come."
    "Stop trying to make me be an irresponsible parent."  He slips two fingers inside me. "Stop."
     "That won't be what you're saying in a few seconds."
    ••••••
       
    My eyes open at the feeling of someone tapping my shoulder. Squinting at the blurry, tall figure in front of me, Atticus slowly becomes more clear to me. He's dressed in casual clothing that he usually wears when he's not working and a hat. Thankfully, Vina isn't at his side, probably with Connie or Marissa.
       "Hey," he says, gesturing to the brown paper bag in his hand. I take my hand off of Zav's and take it from him, not bothering to look at what's inside. My appetite is completely gone, the thought of putting anything in me makes me nauseous.
     "Thank you," I say, stretching out my back. My neck hurts from the awkward position my head was in when I fell asleep. That dream felt real; too real. I feel wrong for having it, but what was I expecting after reading his letter? It was bound to stir something up and I'm happy it's just in my dreams.
     "How's he doing?" He asks. I shrug to let him know everything is the same as the last time we spoke. We talked on the phone quickly before he put Vina to bed and I told him what was going on with Zav's condition. They haven't given me any new updates since I spoke to the doctor in the waiting room. The most a nurse has told me when they come in is that he's still doing good and that's the most I can for.
      "I keep thinking I feel twitches in his hand, but it could just be my mind playing tricks on me," I tell him. He nods in understanding. My hair is complete mess when I catch a glimpse of myself in the TV's reflection.
    "You don't want to go home for a while and get some sleep?" And finish that dream? No thank you. Instead of saying that, I just shake my head and mumble a small thank you for the offer. "You said that the doctors told you he would be fine. He's doing good and will wake up. Go home and he'll be here when you get back."
     I know he's just trying to help me, but it's just irritating. I need to stay with Zav incase he wakes up; I don't want him being alone. When he wakes up I want to be the first one to know that he's okay and what happened. And looking at him now without having any physical contact it feels like I'm looking at his dead body, like I should be saying goodbye. When I'm touching him at least I know he's still here by his warmth.
     "I need to stay." He doesn't argue against it this time. His buff arms cross over his chest, looking down at his brother. I'm hoping to a flicker of sadness or worry on his face, but there is none. His hatred can't run that deep, can it?
    "How are you feeling about all this?" He asks, his eyes loving back to me. I don't respond because I don't know what to say. I'm feeling a million different emotions at once. I'm happy he's doing good, but sad because of what he's going through. I'm scared something could change, but hopeful he'll wake up soon. Anxious to hear him say what happened, but longing to hear his voice. "He's ok-"
    "Telling me he's okay doesn't do anything," I snap, immediately regretting it. He's only trying to help, I remind myself. This is probably hard on him too for different reasons. Here I am, his wife, holding my ex-boyfriends, baby daddies, almost husband's hand in front of him. "Listen, I know what the doctors say and I believe them, but come on. Look at him and tell me he doesn't look dead; you can't. He isn't okay until his eyes open."
     His eyes lower to the floor, shifting uncomfortably. I get up, scooting the chair back quietly as if it will disturb Zav. Placing my hands on Atticus's chest, he sighs, his body relaxing.
    "I love you and I'm so so thankful that you're trying to comfort me, but I really don't think anything other than him waking up will help."
   •••••