The True Happiness

Chapter 32

“I can’t stop thinking of how it would have been,” Audrey murmured. She still hadn’t seen me, but she knew it was me.

It was giving her back to me, nestled between the sheets as she looked through the window. I took one step further and closed the door behind me. This was a conversation that Arianna didn’t need to listen.

“Do you regret it?” I asked approaching a little more to her.

She half smiled and her body trembled under the sheets.

“Yes.” Audrey turned to look at me.

Dark circles around her eyes showed that she hadn’t slept at all. She was pale and her hair was a mess and looked greasy. It seemed that she hadn’t even eaten or showered in days.

“Why?”

“Still don't know. But what Liam said that we could have done with him makes me feel really guilty,” she murmured.

I sat on her bed and looked at the opposite wall. I didn't want to look at her in the eyes and see all those emotions that were hiding in her grey and sad eyes.

“You could be more specific. You know that I am not very good in understanding others problems.”

“I mean that I can only think of the things that we could have done with him or her. Like play or go for a walk and stuff that parents do with their kids. And I think how he would be like physically. Would he have my eyes or Liam’s? Those things are the ones that continue to haunt me.”

“You shouldn’t have done it. You used me, without me knowing, to carry out your plan.”

“Would you have taken me if I had told you to where I was going?”

“Of course not! Diana would have killed me with her own hands.”

“You see it. Therefore, that I said nothing. I didn't want you telling Diana and her preventing me.”

“You could ask it to someone else.”

“And let Liam found out? No thanks.”

“If he would have known maybe you'd be not regretting now.” I shrugged.

“Niall, what would I had done with a baby? I don't even know how to live my life, like to guide someone else’s. Especially someone that can’t even feed itself. How am I supposed to raise a baby? In addition I didn't want dad to get angry and that Diana would have one more reason to have a perfect life.”

“Keep not putting Diana in this, please. She has no guilty of anything. There were other options, in addition to abort your baby.”

“What other option?” Audrey asked with a laugh, sad and hopeless.

“Give it up for adoption,” the words left so easily my mouth that the hairs on my arms stood on end.

She let out a snort mixed with a laugh.

“You not even thought of that option, right?”

“Didn’t want him to be one of those children who spend all their lives alone in an orphanage without anyone giving him love.”

“And you gave him so much love that you killed him.”

“If you come to torment me, you will be glad to know that my mind is already doing that and that you are free to go.”

“Sorry, it was not my intention. I only think that you would have learned how to be a good mother and would have not been alone on this journey.”

“Don’t say that seriously. I think that even you would have given me back once the baby was born,” she whisperer so low, with fear of rejection in her voice.