Alone (camp camp) *~DISCONTINUED~*

Part 38

I woke up to my alarm clock ringing.
Today I was actually... ecstatic?
I don't know, I guess I just woke up on a dopamine high.  
But neither the less, I was happy.
Happy I would finally be free.
And that everyone would also not need to care about me anymore.
That's when it all hit me.
Today would be that last time I wake up.
The last time I leave this house.
The last time I would eat.
The last time I would ware this backpack.
The last time I would walk with my friends.
The last time I would go to school.
The last time I would see anyone.
The last time I would say goodbye.
But then I reminded myself.
The last time they would have to care about such a useless thing.
The last time I would take up space, time and money.
The last time I would be a punching bag for someone.
The last time anyone had to see my disgusting figure.
The last time they had to see me.
I didn't know if this made me happy or sad.
My mind was racing.
I couldn't focus on one thing.
I slapped my self in attempt to regain my senses like they do in movies.
Of course it didn't work.
I couldn't do anything about it so I just continued on with my day.
I walked downstairs and saw Gwen.
For once she had woken up early.
I walked up to her and just stared.
She stared back and raised an eyebrow well holding her coffee.
I tried my best not to cry in that moment.
If this was how bad it was to say goodbye to someone I rarely talked to.
I wonder what would happen when I was going to say goodbye to Nikki and Neil...
Just the thought of them almost gave me a heart attack.
I stopped the silence by saying something.
"Goodbye Gwen, thank you for everything."
I said well hugging her.
She seemed surprised, but eventually ugged me back.
"Max... what's wrong?"
Oh god not this again.
I let go and didn't reply.
I just went looking for David.
I could still feel her eyes staring at me.
I walked around the house for awhile.
I eventually found David outside.
Picking flowers. 
Of course he would be doing something like that. 
But I didn't have time to roll my eyes though.
I walked up to him.
He didn't turn around to take notice of me until a couple seconds later.
"Max? Oh hi max!"
He said with that annoying ass smile.
But that was a smile I was gonna fucking miss.
I couldn't hold anything back anymore.
I began tearing up, but I wasn't making a sound.
My hands were still holding each other.
He took one look at me for one second and hugged me.
"Max, what's wrong?"
I still didn't speak.
I only hugged back and said my last
"Goodbye David, thank you for everything."
I walked away and got my backpack.
I also could feel his concerned eyes staring at me.
I just kept walking.
Walking until I reached the spot me, Nikki and Neil would meet up at.
Wiping my tears on the way.
I was the first.
No one else was there. 
I waited.
One minute
Two minutes
Three minutes
Four minutes
Five minutes
I kept counting to keep my mind off of the fact that I was about to break down at any second.
This was all so much for me.
But it had to be done.
It wasn't until I reached the eighth minute that I saw Nikki walking towards me.
I gave her an empty smile as she approached me.
"I guess Neil's late again huh.."
She said with a small chuckle close to the end of her sentence.
God, I was going to miss her.
I was going to miss her laugh, her smile, her voice-
I couldn't finish all the reasons before I once again, started tearing up.
She was facing outward though, looking for Neil.
I wiped my tears away before she could see.
That was when Neil started walking up to us with a smile and a wave.
Neil, of course I was going to miss him too.
And his supposedly 'annoying' voice.
I never thought it was annoying though.
Maybe I said it was before to go along with the crowd, but looking back on those moments I should have been more supportive of him.
I should have been more supportive of everyone.
There were so many things I should have done.
But now it was to late.
And it was all my fault.
I was about to cry again, but took a long shaky breath before I could.
I tried my best to hold it in.
We started walking.
It took nearly all of my willpower to not cry during that walk.
It felt like forever until we reached the school.
But, I would have been happy if that walk had lasted an eternity.
But, all good things come to an end.
We went to our lockers, and as per usual there was an offensive word on my locker.
But it didn't matter.
None of this matters.
Everything was all a daze today.
The bell rang and we went to class.
We didn't have any time to talk like usual because Neil was late this morning.
I would have liked that time talking to my two favorite people in the world.
But I knew this was going to happen.
This was my fault.
I didn't need to go to class, but I did anyway.
I needed to do one more thing.
As I sat down I realized that this would be my last class.
But that was okay.
This was okay.
We sat down and started the lesson.
But I needed to check over one more thing before I have left this earth.
I pulled out some pieces of paper stapled together and started to re-read it.