Yesterday's Happiness ( Growing Up )

Not What ... But Who

Jay's P.O.V

It had been twenty minutes!

Twenty minutes since I'd returned from Hayley's Diner after my very amusing time with Kay.

Yet I just can't stop thinking about that one second she'd hesitated before confirming she'd really just wanted to discuss Thellie's surprise birthday party and also spend some time with me at on of our favorite places.

A sad smile plays on my lips as I think about all the fun moments we had created in that very Diner.

Time seems to have passed me by yet I can still remember everything like it had happened in the past minute.

Sighing,I get off my bed and begin to pace to and fro in my room.

Why does all this feel so super confusing ?

I could practically feel the tension between Kay and ever since .....

Well ever since she had returned from her grandmother's in Evergreen.

And her barely noticeable hesitation had been no more of a confirmation to what I was already suspecting

She was hiding something from me.

She knew better than to think I would not put the pieces together  

Well it had taken a while but I know her too well.

Honestly I think I'd known right from the start.I'd just been ignoring all the signs.

This is more frustrating than I thought.  

Running my hands through my hair,I hiss as I tug at my hair a lot harder than I'd intended

Why couldn't she just tell me ? 

We have been through much more than whatever this is and I just can't understand why she just wouldn't come clean about it ?

It was the nervousness in her voice as she tried to tell me whatever this was that let me bring up the party. 

Gosh! 

She'd looked like hell and she could practically break into tears and bp matter how badly I wanted her to tell me herself,I couldn't handle a breakdown from her.

I could tell

She wasn't ready.

" No,you weren't ready",my subconscious mocks as I sit back down on my bed.

He was right 

"Oh just shut up!",I matter under my breath sighing in defeat but I would rather die than admit that to myself.

Whatever it was,I would have been ready for it especially if it's what I'm thinking.

I would right?

Right ?

It just sort of hurts that she doesn't trust me enough to let me in on her little secret when it was so obvious everyone else in our little group knew.

Well there's the fact that the other members of our group are girls and maybe she just wasn't comfortable telling me?

" That's crap and you know it!",my inner voice yells mockingly.

Hell,he wasn't making this pep talk easy for me.

Damn!,is this where I'm at? 

Having a pep talk with my inner voice ?