Yesterday's Happiness ( Growing Up )

Here Goes Nothing...

Jay was almost here

The party had started over two hours ago and for some reason Jay was running late and he'd only called about half an hour ago to say he was coming.

Thellie had been surprised all right because they'd all acted like it was just another birthday and as hard as it had been,the look on her face had proven that they'd completely pulled it off.

Everyone else was here and Kayla was super nervous because now,there was no turning back.

Thellie and Hills assured her it would all turn out great and that she didn't need to worry but the more time passed,the more she grew nervous. 

She did try her best to make sure that her own personal agenda didn't ruin this day for her best friend

At least one of them.

She'd wanted to just go next door all week to just spill it,but somehow she'd chickened out and she knew this party right here was the end of it all

There was no escaping now.

She either told Jay or she watched as another day goes by and she continues to carry the guilt inside of her from keeping this whole thing from him to begin with.

Now here she stood,in Perla's driveway waiting for a boy who changed her life at a point in time when she'd wanted to give up on herself with a news that might hurt him more than she would have wanted.

She just wished there was another way and that she was just being paranoid and Jay would really understand.

Her subconscious tries to push in but she forces her to the back of her head.

She was already nervous as it was and she didn't need any more unwanted drama from her own inner self.

Once again she finds herself selfishly wishing she didn't have to do this and that she could just keep it all from him forever

And yet it was as impossible a thought as could ever be.

At the end of the day,she just hoped the differences wouldn't matter and that it'll all play out like it did in the movies.

There was no one else to blame but herself.

She could have just come clean from the start and honestly it had felt so much like the best idea then to keep both worlds apart.

But just maybe.

Just maybe it would have been much much easier if everything had been clear from the start.

And here she was about to bring together two worlds she'd foolishly kept apart thinking it was what's best for everyone.

Except it had been the best for her.

No one else.

The only thing she'd really been doing was denying herself and the people she loved most in the world just to suit her own interest

But no more.

She was tired of the lies,the hide and seek,the cheating and most importantly the lying.

Oh

She'd already mentioned that.

It was time to put it all out there and she was willing to pay the price.

She just hoped Jay would understand

That they both would understand.

An unwanted image of two faces filled with too many painful emotions flash before her and she finds herself choking on air.

No

It was going to be alright.

Her stomach turns at the thought of the fact that even she wouldn't understand

Would she ?

There had been so much riding on her secrecy and right now it all made absolutely no sense.

She should have just trusted Jay enough to know that no matter what,he would have understood.

At least for her sake.

But now,she knew that he would be hurt more over the fact that she's been lying and hiding things from him when they'd always shared everything.

It was that thought that scared her the most.

It haunted her.

" Hey",the voice breaks through her thoughts and it takes a while for her to collect herself and realize who the electrifying green eyes staring back at her belonged to.

Jay.

When had he gotten here ?

She hadn't even seen him coming.

" Hey",she says back, forcing a smile.

He seemed to realize the smile doesn't reach her eyes because he raises an eyebrow but gratefully he doesn't call her out on it.

" So?",he asks shoving his hands into his pockets and looking at her expectantly.

It takes her a while before she realizes she'd been standing there for a while without saying anything.

She takes in a deep breath

Okay

Here goes nothing....

" There's something I need to tell you ",she says slowly,gaging his reaction.

" Okay "?,he replies cautiously studying her face.

Something in his tone sends a shiver through her entire body and  she knew it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I the temperature just dropped and she didn't have a jacket on.

" Here",Jay says handing her his jacket.

He'd noticed it too.

" Thanks",she says sliding it on

A couple of moments pass by filled with silence as she found herself suddenly mesmerized with the gravel floor before them.

It wasn't an awkward silence

It wasn't a tension filled silence

It wasn't even an uncomfortable silence

And that's really what scared her.

Because it was a type of silence she knew all too well

The kind silence that seemed to just come from the very depths of your being

The type of silence that was always there portraying a calm that was nonexistent.

The type of calm that always came before a storm that was set on destroying everything it encountered.

The type of silence she'd let depict her decisions leading up to this very moment of her life

She takes a step closer to him and takes a deep breath

Everything had been leading to this and there was no other choice when the silence was more deafening than any other sound she'd ever heard.

" There's someone I want you to meet "

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Hey everyone Wow. I really can't believe we've finally gotten here. Honestly it feels kind of too soon but this had been way overdue.

It's really happening.

Please vote and comment as well because I love to hear from you all. Feel free to send me a private message because I love to keep in touch.

Love - AmDiya .