Last July

chapter eight

Lost:// unable to find one's way, not knowing one's whereabouts

Maverick came home the day after. I've never seen him return this early from a business trip before but this was a special circumstance after all. His light, his love, his world was gone and today his world was a darker hue than it was yesterday. He went to see his little girl, he cried releasing the pent up agony that was hid on his way over. The volcano erupted sending ashes and toxic words into the environment around us. He blamed everyone, her non-existent mother and himself for being too weak to have stayed when she needed him the most. I didn't exist in those moments; it was just him and Jesse. That's all it was about. I couldn't console him so I stayed behind and watched from a distance as he tried to understand what went wrong.

I didn't exist in the days that followed either; it wasn't until after her cremation that he asked that I be there along with him as he sent her back to where she had been originally. There wasn't any memorial, no funeral service to celebrate this beautiful soul all of eight years. Eight beautiful years that she had entered the world and left a mark that no other could replace or expunge. There was nothing left of her, nothing to remind her friends of her love or laughter and there was no one else allowed to grieve with him. It was like he was trying not to deal with this in his own way, a horrible way to deal with a loss in my opinion but I couldn't tell him that. Everyone does their best to deal with losing someone; they had enough on their shoulders to deal with without having my preconceived notions shoved on their shoulders as well.

The cursor blinked on my computer screen on and off for the last half an hour that I sat at my station. I hadn't gotten pass my thousand word, word count and I was more than seriously behind. I tried to write when Jesse was in the hospital but I couldn't and now that she was gone, I was thoughtless. It had been days since I last heard from maverick and he wasn't home either when I went to see him. Every attempt at calling went to naught. I just hope he hadn't attempted suicide. He wasn't a suicidal person but he was grieving and something's just look a little more appropriate when your mind isn't at the sanity boundary sometimes.
I made another attempt to call and sat listening to his phone ring,

"Hello?"

"Maverick? Honey"

"kendall" he replied. "Are you okay?"

No, I've been trying to get a hold of you for the past week.

"Yeah, um you haven't taken any of my calls"

"Right. I've been busy"

"Too busy to take your girlfriend's calls?" I asked in disbelief. I wasn't sure if I was hearing the man I loved clearly, this wasn't the maverick I knew. He's never to busy to take my calls. Never!

"Kendall...."

I continued to speak.

"I've tried to come over too and your landlord said you weren't there anymore. I just don't understand"

He took a deep breath.

"yeah. I moved a few days ago"

"what? To where? Why didn't you ask me to help? I would've you know I would"

"yeah but I've already asked you for so much and you had work"

What? He hadn't asked for a thing, he barely glanced at me the entire time he got back the only time I actually managed to touch maverick was when he held my hand at the beach. That's the only time I was sure the man I was with, was actually human and not a ghost of himself.

"Okay. Where are you now? I'll come see you"

"No"

His sudden words caught me off guard as I stood to get ready and I felt myself slip back into my chair.