You've Got to Be Kidding Me (Louis Tomlinson Fanfic)

Chapter 50

Sunday’s POV

 Kayla pulled the curtain away and grinned at me."Hey"

We’re once again on a bus I would tell where we’re going but I haven’t got the slightest clue.I put the book I was reading down.

“Hey”

“Me and the boys want to check out some places, you want to come?” Ever since we’ve gotten on the bus things have been awkward. There was this tension in the room and every time I was around Louis I felt awkward.

So basically all the time.

“No, I’m fine” I wave her off.

“Are you sure?” Kayla has been this strong rock for me. After I confessed to her about what I did she assured me that we could fix it. After she scolded me, of course she was upset with me too. But like she said to me we all make mistakes, sometimes stupid ones.

“Yea I’m sure I’m feeling tired anyways” She nodded and told me to call if anything. I closed the curtain and lied down on my bed. As much as I wanted to go with them there was always this battle that I have in my mind. Of whether I should go with them and feel awkward or let my thoughts consume me. And I always choose my  thoughts because they’re not wrong. I did make a horrible mistake.

It’s like I’m a paradox one part of me is happy that Louis confessed his feelings for me. I’m glad to know that he feels the same way. While the other part wished that he didn’t. Then I wouldn’t have to feel this way, I wouldn’t have hurt him. Instead of being in this bunk I would be out there having fun. But the biggest question that everyone has is why?

Why did I hurt him? If I felt the same way why did I send him away?

It’s because I’m scared.

I don’t trust myself or my feelings for Louis. I’m scared that he would just tell me that he loves me and I would believe it and then get hurt. That’s right I’m scared that he would hurt me, that he would turn out just like Hunter.

 He’ll make me feel like I’m the only one and then I’ll find out that I’m just another one. I’m scared that he will get bored of me. I’m just scared that he will fall out love with me or that he was never in love with me.

And I know that Louis is different and that he would never have these intentions. I know that Louis would never want to hurt me intentionally. I know that he cares for me and I know that he wants the best for the same way I want for him. But I guess I don’t believe it. Not to a certain extent. Knowing something and believing in it is two different things. And I hate that I have to find out this way.

Tired of stressing over these thoughts I grab the blanket and bring it over my head. I just want to go to sleep maybe that way I wouldn’t have to think so much.

“Sunday?” A voice interrupts my sleep. “Hey Sunday wake up”

“Hmm” I turn my head and see blonde hair.

I yawn and sat up. “Hey Niall”

“Hey we’re all heading towards the centre right now so get up” I nodded and began getting ready for the next show. I checked the time and noticed that the show won’t start in a few hours from now.

I got out from the bus and walked to the centre. I headed for the backstage doors. I walked in and went straight to find Kayla; the boys are probably rehearsing right now so the rooms will be free. I walked into one of the dressing rooms and saw only Lou. She noticed me and told me that Kayla went off with the boys to rehearsal. As much as I didn’t want to be there I didn’t want to be alone as well.