Closing Time

35

D

"Hi, Celine.. It's been a long time.."

I'm here at Hillside Memorial Park where Celine's remains lie.

I put the flowers on the side of her tomb and sat beside it..

"You told me before that I should find my happiness.. You know what, Ceddy, I found it, somehow.. But, I lost it again. Just like how I found and lost you, Love.."

It's been a long time since I last visited Celine.

Sabi ko dadalawin ko siya pag balik ko dito pero hindi ko agad nagawa. I was drowning in fears and pain, I got wasted to numb myself.

I thought running away was the right thing to do. I got scared. I was scared to be hurt and be left again.

"I know you won't be happy with what I'm doing right now, Ceddy.. I know, sasabihin mo, 'that's not so you, Love.. That's not the Deanna I know' funny, Ceddy, parang naririnig ko ang boses mo na sinasabi yun.."

Ang bigat bigat sa dibdib, ano bang ginawa ko sa sarili ko.. Akala ko maayos ako dito pero hindi pala..

"I'm so lost, Celine.. Nung mawala ka, parang nawala din ako.. Then, I saw Jema again.. I thought that was the happiness you were pertaining to, because she's my first love, she's my everything before, so, I just dived in a relationship with her. I got drowned, Ceddy.. I forgot that hindi na pala kami yun dati, hindi na nga pala namin kilala ang isa't isa ngayon."

I know, It's my fault getting in a relationship with Jema right away. Dapat kinilala pala namin ulit ang isa't isa. Madami na nga palang nangyari samin, and we can't just go back to the way we used to be.

"I just realized, Celine that you were pertaining to myself, to my own self.. That I should find myself first again. That I should heal first and be whole again to be happy again.. I'm sorry, Celine.. I was so slow, I hurt Jema before I can even realized what you have said to me."

Tears start to run down my face... I just can't hold it anymore..

"I'm so stupid, Celine... Nag promise pa ko non sayo, tapos di ko naman nagawa.. I'm sorry, Love.. I'm sorryyyyy.."

I just cried and cried...

Then, I felt someone hugged me from behind..

"Ssshhhh, buddy... It's okay, let it go, Deans.. It's all right.. We make stupid decision sometimes, it's all right buddy.. It's all right, let it go, you've been holding that for a long time.."  It's Maddie..

I cried harder...

"I'm so stupid, Mads.. I hurt Jema.. I wanna go home, Mads.. I wanna make things right.. Ayoko ng tumakbo.. Gusto ko na ayusin lahat.." she's just holding me and trying to calm me down..

"Okay, buddy.. We're going home.."

After awhile.. I felt a little better.. Parang may nawalang mabigat sa dibdib ko..

Bumitiw na ko kay Maddie.. Inayos ko ang sarili ko at tumayo..

"Thank you, Celine.. Thank you for everything.. And for the last time, thank you, Love.. Good bye, Celine.."

Iiwan ko na lahat dito, lahat ng meron kami ni Celine noon..  Isang bagay na hindi ko nagawa noon.

Now, I know, I can finally move on from the past. And I hope its not too late for me to start again.

----------

🙋

Galit pa ba kayo kay D o somehow, naiintindihan niyo na siya?