Loving Lakyn | ✓

[13] Baby Girl

L O V I N G
L A K Y N

AS I EXITED the school building, I sighed in relief. It's been one hell of a week and I cannot ignore the guilt in the pit of my stomach that has literally been eating me alive.

Usually, guilt is an emotion I do not feel, I do not really feel anything but anger, numbness and depending on my life circumstances—which are never too amazing—I feel sad too, but today, correction, all week, I have felt nothing but guilt.

After that party, I expected life to proceed as normal. I'd get ready and come to school on Monday, everyone would be on a post-party high, gossiping about the events of the night. Hale would continue to grieve about his lack of sexual life as of recently and Lakyn would glorify his unhealthy amount of drug usage, lately, then Blaire would keep going on about how Connor didn't show up to the party, then lastly, Eden.

Eden would come up to me, that spiteful expression of her face. The one she always gives me, specifically. Then, she'd say something along the lines of 'there is something wrong with you, why the hell would you throw a party at my house without my permission?' then I would say something like; 'I thought it'd be fun, it was just a harmless joke. Oh, tell Sam I had a great time with him too' then we'd yell and our lives would continue as usual.

Eden hating me and me hating her.

But no, all of that happened except the Eden part. Yes, Hale is irritated that he hasn't been laid in over two weeks, Lakyn also keeps raving about how out of it he was from the coke, and Connor didn't turn up, it turns out. 

I don't think he is a party guy and I am pretty sure that he just didn't want anything serious and by the way Blaire speaks about him, I can tell that is exactly what she wants.

Eden hasn't been at school all week, it's now Monday, exactly ten days after the party. Eight of those ten days being school and she hasn't shown up once, not to collect her homework. I haven't seen her once, and though that is exactly what I wanted originally, but now. . .I don't know.

I still want her gone, but I know that throwing a party at her house crossed an extremely large line and if I triggered something within her, I know that I need to do something about it. I don't usually do what is right, but this time it feels necessary.

Hale said that she's a freak and I should just leave her be. Lakyn said that she finally did us a favor and left. Blaire said that she's probably just doing this for attention, so that I feel guilty and apologize because it will satisfy her.

And I have been agreeing with it all. 

Not because I am scared of them knowing my opinion, but because I do not want them to think that what I am about to do means my spiteful ways will come to an end, because they will not. This is just a small way of saying sorry, so that I can continue with my life knowing I didn't make some girl huddle up in her house for a week.

Maybe she is fine, maybe she isn't. I'll never know if I do not swallow my pride and go over there.

I opened the door to my car, sliding in before plopping the heavy pile of papers on the passenger seat. None of them are for me, I am up to date with all my studies. They're for Eden.

This morning I took the time out of my day to go to Principle Vanderbilt and find out Eden's schedule before going to each one of her classes and gathering all the work she missed out on—which by the looks of the pile of papers on my seat—is a lot.

Now, I am headed to Eden's house to hand them to her along with a very blunt apology. I just hope Sam isn't there, I haven't seen him since the party and I do not know whether he regrets it or not, I know that I don't, but I'd rather avoid confrontation.