the truth untold

done

It's been a week since my mom's passing, but the pain in my heart is still fresh. For a week, I didn't update my friends, except for Taehyung. I cooped inside my bedroom, only going out to go to the comfort room or eat. Peter and Katie looked like they didn't know what to do with me either, so they never bothered me too much.

I don't know how I'll continue my life without my mom. She has been my strength since my father left us both. She became my pillar when I was having mental breakdowns due to stress. Now, I feel like I'm not whole anymore; like a big part of me is missing.

As selfish as I may be, I badly want Taehyung to come here to California and be with me. But with his military enlistment, I don't think I'd bother to tell him. But still, an effort would do.

"I have something to tell you," he said while we were video chatting for the first time this week.

"What?" I asked.

"Your mom and I talked when I went there for our vacation."

I remembered it being the day I saw them on our patio.

"And then?"

"She said..." he started, looking sad. "If she dies before you finally reach your goal as a famous model and photographer, I'd have to tell you where her diary is hidden."

"She had a diary? I didn't know about that."

"That's because she writes there when no one's at home," he explained. "Do you want to know where it is?"

I nodded.

"It's in her closet, in the lower right drawer. The key is in her locket."

I quickly held the locket on my table. So that's what the little key in there is about.

"Why did she tell you that instead of just saying it to me?"

"She doesn't want to see you cry in front of her again," he said. "It made her weak to see you cry your heart out when your father died."

My chest tightened. Memories of my dad came flashing back to me; I didn't notice tears were already running down my cheeks.

"Jisoo, please don't cry." Taehyung pleaded from the other side of the screen. "I can't hug you."

"I'm sorry," I said as I wiped my cheeks."I'll find her diary and read it tonight."

"Do you want me to keep this call going or do you want to read it privately?" he asked.

"I want to read it in private."

"Got it. Please message or call me when you're done and tell me what's going on inside your head after. I can't sleep just by thinking that you're alone in your room crying."

"I'll call later, I promise."

"I love you, Jisoo."

"I love you too, Tae."

I found Mom's diary exactly where Taehyung said it would be. I brought it back to my bedroom and opened it.

Her diary started when I was still a child, it was after the day dad and she fought. Strangely, I couldn't remember anything about the day my mom wrote.

I saw my Jisoo running away from the house not far from ours.

I know she saw us fighting again, so she was crying. I didn't notice her leave our house because of the fight; I only noticed that she was gone after half an hour. Frantically, I searched for her inside and outside our house, only to see her running back to me with her eyes swollen from crying.