the truth untold

hug me

I tried my best to avoid Taehyung whenever I went outside my unit. Since I'm busy with work, I didn't notice how two months had already passed.

Scrolling through my cellphone, a notification from Chaeyoung appeared. She sent me a link from YouTube. Curious, I clicked it and saw a new post from BANGTANTV.

Taehyung posted a new song. This time, a collaboration with J-Hope.

"Unable to win over my heart of sorrow
I endure yet another dark night of sleeplessness
Without a care about my despair
The morning heartlessly wakes me up

The scars hurt more than I expected
The pain goes deeper than I expected
The countless nights I spend resenting you
Are like hell to me

Stay by my side, stay with me
Don't let go of my hand you hold
If you take one step away
I can just take one step closer"

After the song circulated online, my friends kept on bothering me, telling me that I should go talk to Taehyung already.

"I would but I choose not to," I told George, who also told me what I needed to do with my failed relationship

"The song's obviously for you. Just what did you tell him when you saw him?"

"I just told him not to talk to me. It was really civil, I even said please," I defended myself.

"You said, please?!" she said, in a tone higher than she usually uses, "The man probably thinks you really don't want anything from him again."

"So? That's what I really want anyway," I stayed firm with my reasoning.

"Jisoo, I know you're not. Just let V explain himself and just see what the future has for you two."

"I can't," I whispered. "I might become weak again."

"What's wrong with being weak?" she asked. "Everyone has their kryptonite. And it's not weak weak you're talking about. I've seen you with him before; you were already a strong woman back then."

"What if he doesn't want anything to do with me then?"

"Then it's his loss. Simple as that." She fixed her blazer before standing up. "Anyway, you can't talk to him yet. I heard they have a comeback concert at the Olympic Stadium next month, so they're busy practicing until then. Should I buy you a ticket?"

"You'd do that?"

"Sure, I have connections. Don't belittle my abilities, Ms. Kim."

"Then can you buy 2 tickets?" I said. "The other one's for you."

She smiled and said, "Will do."

---

For another whole month, I tried thinking of how I should approach Taehyung or just wait for him to approach me. I really don't know anymore.

I checked his Instagram account for an update, but he hasn't posted anything new since he came back, not even a solo photo on Twitter.

I've seen his airport photos and videos, though; his hair was already long and dyed blonde, but he never smiled longer than a few seconds. Fans said that he's back to his blank face again. I chuckled to myself as I remembered the times he was like that when I was with him and his friends.

My plan regarding going to their concert with George was private. I didn't tell anyone except George. This is because I don't want to be pressured by my friends' constant questions and suggestions about what I could tell Taehyung. Besides, I'm pretty sure Jimin already gave his girlfriend free tickets and backstage passes.

Finally, a week before their concert here in Seoul, I gathered all my courage to think of what I'd say to him when we meet backstage.

I prepared myself for what he was going to say to me; whether he apologized or not, asked to take me back or not, I told myself to stay strong. I won't let him break me again. I won't cry in front of him.

But if he does ask for another chance again... I think I might fall for it again.