| Complete | REWRITING + ROUGH DRAFT | Riley Greene was all set for her summer vacation with her college boyfriend, Kevin. With her bags packed and passport ready, she was excited to go sight-seeing through Hawaii. All her plans came crashing down w...
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That's it. I'm officially stupid and broken. One good thing happened to me today, and two bad things came back to cancel that out. I never hurt so bad in my life, even when Kevin broke up with me. This is the first time I've completely been myself around someone, and he doesn't want to be with me.
In a short amount of time, he's shown me that my flaws don't define me. I could walk around looking like a zombie, and he'd think I was beautiful. I saw this man change on his own for me, and he left me. But it's foolish of me to believe he could stay that way. It was naive of me to think everything we shared would even last.
Sam, the literal best friend I ever had in my life, I hurt. I lied straight to her face multiple times and went on with it. I snuck behind her back and fell for her brother, and she was right all along. Of course, she knows her brother better than I do, and I should've trusted her judgment. She's crying because of me, and I can't fix it. She won't even look at me, and I feel so fucking stupid. I should've listened and believed the girl that knew me more than anyone.
My heart was physically in pain, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I've cried so much that it surprised me that I had any tears left. My eyes were red and swollen, making my face tender from all the crying I've been doing. I just wanted my mom to make me feel better like she always does.
I quickly called the airline and requested a flight as soon as possible. I didn't want to walk out and leave when everyone hates me, but I can't face it. I can't see Joey, and Sam won't talk to me. I folded my clothes into my suitcases, not knowing the trip would end this way. I will never forget this summer vacation, even though it didn't turn out how I hoped.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?
After I finished packing, I sat on the floor with my knees pushed to my chest. I focused my vision on the ceiling and stared as I wallowed in pain.
Once I reached the point where I could no longer cry, I grabbed my notebook and started writing:
Samantha,
I don't expect you to forgive me after lying to you, and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry I put our friendship at risk, and I deserve everything. I looked you dead in your face and told you I wouldn't pursue your brothers. I couldn't hold that promise, knowing it means the world to you. Out of everyone, I know you more than anything. I know when you're hurting when you're holding something back, and when you're at your best. You're the only friend that has ever stuck with me this long. I regret hurting you as I do, seeing you cry because of my actions. I don't want to be a person that lies to you when you deserve everything. You're such a good person. You tend to believe otherwise, but I knew from the first day I met you. I expected you to be one of those mean girls, but you proved me wrong in so many ways. You taught me not to judge someone by first impressions. Come to find out; you're the smartest, most beautiful, and most caring person I've ever met. You're a fantastic friend, and I'm sorry you can't say the same about me. I appreciate you letting me spend the summer with you in this great house. I wish that it would've ended better and I didn't have to do this, but I hope one day you find your way back into my life and learn to trust me again. You're right. I fell for Joey, and he didn't want anything to do with me. But that doesn't mean that I'm blaming that on you. You and Joey are two different people. I hate when you tell me people stop talking to you because of your brother's doings. They'd be dumb to lose a friend like you. I hope that you forgive me, and I will wait for that to come. I'll give you the space you need, and that's why I'm saying bye. I rescheduled my flight, and I'm going to go home. I feel so numb inside, and I'm the only one to blame. I would love for you to tell Cameron that I'm glad he has you and he's such a good guy. Tell him I'm sorry for ruining this vacation and that I'm sure I'll see him again in the future. Also, tell Dylan I'm happy I met him. He's such a good, funny person that I enjoyed spending the summer with. I hope to see him again. He's a good friend and brother. Don't be mad at him. It's not his fault; none of this is. I love you so much. And don't think because I'm leaving, I'll never speak to you again. I'll wait for you, Sam, that I can promise and mean it.
—Riley.
Now the tears wanted to come back and drop on my notepad. Every time I wiped them off, it smeared the ink, but I didn't care. Before you knew it, I was already writing a goodbye letter to Joey.
Joey,
I don't know why I'm doing this to myself or you. Writing is probably the most effective way to deal with my feelings. I've been hurt so many times in my life, and while pushing it back, it haunted me. I told you about my dad and what he did to me. You helped me look past my fears, and I felt safe with you. You were the first person I wanted to tell because you don't realize how much you've helped me. It hurts so bad because I know you felt what I did. I know you're beating yourself up about hurting me. But only you can make that decision. If you want someone in your life, you won't hurt them. Then again, I sound like a hypocrite. You made me realize things I've yet to figure out on my own. I was nothing but myself with you, and I don't regret that at all. I don't regret whatever we shared, but I regret hurting Sam. I should've been honest from the start. I didn't know this was going to happen, and I didn't know I was going to fall for you. I thought I wouldn't want to look at another man after my ex. But when you kissed me back that day, I felt something I never have in my life. That's why it hurts so bad. It hurts that I won't be able to listen to you sleeping beside me or you cuddling me all night. You don't understand how much you've made me happy in such short months. I guess I have a lot of work to do. I'm still not going to blame this on anyone but myself. I just wanted to say goodbye. I know we'll probably never see each other again, and I hope whatever demons you're fighting, you get past them. You're so amazing and don't know it. I don't regret falling for you, and I don't regret you leaving me. I need to learn to understand. I wish you the best with everything. Bye Joey.
—Angel
I ripped the pages out of my notebook and took a deep breath.
After I finished cleaning up my room and getting myself together, I stood near the door and took another look around the room. I'm forever grateful for the summer I spent here. I sighed and turned the lights out. I already knew Dylan had asked Joey to the bar. For God's sake, they can't whisper to save their lives. I don't think Sam had left her room yet, which I understood.
As I quietly trailed down the steps, I placed both letters on the table and left . . .
