Mine {Book 1}| Completed

Chapter 13: It's Always Gonna Be April

Chapter 13: It's Always Gonna Be April

      Have you ever loved someone that it hurt but it hurts worse when they reject you? Have you ever felt like the world is spinning but it's crashing at once? Do you ever feel alone sometimes? Or betrayed? Used? Pushed aside? Have you ever lost yourself in so many ways you can't explain it?

    Well that's exactly what I'm feeling. All the emotions were surrounding me at once. I have cried more than six boxes of tissues right now. I guess you can say I got issues. But I'm constantly listening to Elvis Presley's I Can't Help Falling In Love With You on my record player. Why would I not stop listening? I just sat on my bedroom floor where I scattered pillow feathers everywhere.

  I even took my diary tossing it. I'm just stupid. I know I am. What was I thinking? Did I honestly think he was into me? I deduced him. He wasn't into me at all. I mean, why would he be? It makes no fucking sense. I think Christopher just went along with it. He's not into me. 'Cause I'm his stepsister not girlfriend material or a girl he'd date. At this point I wish Patrick was here. I wish I could talk to him. But no luck, Christopher won't give me his number. I felt my heart breaking into two.

    It's been hours and I been moping about someone who isn't even into me. I honestly don't care. Because every time I think about him it's like I'm complete. Whole. This person I never thought I was until I saw him. Until I got to know him. But he's captured my heart while I haven't captured his.

   I don't know how long I been in my room crying my eyes. I want to just cry with my door locked. I don't know there is nothing I can do right now. Just pray that everything is going to be alright. I am going to smile and fake it. But I am not leaving this room. It's after seven thirty. Colleen came home about an hour ago and dad got home a little bit ago. Colleen usually comes home, takes a shower or a bath and then gets started on dinner which I don't have an appetite.

    I don't want to see Christopher. And especially not April. I'm just gonna stay in my room and just contemplate and sulk. I'm good at that. But right now I wish my mom was here to hold me. I wish I had her with me here. And sometimes you can't control people you love. Christopher is the one who I can't control. He's not into me. He never was and will never be.

    I let out a lot of sobs and I take my diary placing it back on my desk and I open to my last entry.

I read through it to only hate the words because I knew later I might regret the hateful words. I just looked at the page and wanted to tear it out but I didn't. And I just felt like crying every time I saw Christopher's name on the page. And I did nothing but wish to die at this point. But I cry now because inside I'm hurting from the rejection.

I heard the sounds from downstairs that was definitely the sounds of kitchen appliances being used. But I imagined Colleen and dad's conversation in my head being perfect as a story. Not something written from Shakespeare. But maybe something like Jane Austen.

Dad would be in the kitchen looking snazzy after work. And Colleen might be looking radiant but she's exhausted. And she always thinks of what is the best option when it comes to dinner or making dinner at least. And I imagine their love is delicate. So gentle. Fragile.

"So how was your day at work, honey?" Colleen would ask while cutting any sort of vegetable on the countertop on the cutting board.

Dad would embrace his arms around Colleen like he usually does and he would kiss her. Something that I'm a bit envious of. And just like that, I imagine them just mentioning their day at work and what it was like. Dad would say it was exhausting and Colleen would say busy.