🔶 10 - Offended 🔶

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[Api's POV]

First Dad... and now, Mom. Heh, just what I thought...

Totally, big brother Cahaya's the next one. I know it, because I have that feeling. One day, there's a possibility that he'll just shove me away for no reason.

But, I'm hoping that that wouldn't happened at all. I'm hoping that there's still a good big brother in there somewhere inside him. I'm hoping he wouldn't shut me out. I'm hoping that he's still that big brother I know who treats me with full of love and care.


What am I hoping anyway? Why am I wishing for something that it would be impossible to happened? Just, impossible for that desire to be granted?

I know I should be thinking positively, but it always seems to get replaced with negative thoughts instead. It's hard to stay positive, especially when you're facing other problems at the same time, making you struggle to get back to your senses. It's hard to ease up with my mind, it's making me feel dizzy everytime.

I... just didn't know what to do anymore... I'm just scared, and at the same time, I'm already panicking for who-knows-how-long. My anxiety is rising, and nothing helps me to calm myself down.

I just can't think straight. How can I think straightly when my mind keeps on producing negative thoughts? Even when I tried calming myself down, it's just no use. The nervousness is still there, torturing me physically and mentally.

What if he just doesn't care at all? What if he hates me? What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if he'll get mad at me for no reason?

... What if... he forgets about me... ?

No, I can't just let that happened... I have to do something. I won't let him forget about me. I know he still cares. I know he still loves me. I know he still wants me...

... and I'm going to make him remember.

<=><=> ~ <=><=>

Going out of my room, I quickly searched for my big brother. Luckily, I spotted him going upstairs to go to his room, with a newly-bought phone gripped on his hand. I saw him using it while taking some steps up, making me feel jealous for what Dad might've bought for him right now.

But, I only shook my head since, my big brother is more important than that expensive phone he has. I don't care what more things my big brother have right now, either expensive or has the same price of a single teensy diamond, because my big brother is more valuable that those things mentioned.

Big brother Cahaya then made his way towards his room, making this as my chance to go towards him and make sure my plan's all worked out. I swiftly went towards him while grinning widely.

"Big brother Cahaya! Big brother Cahaya!" I exclaimed, trying to get his attention.

My big brother then looked up from his phone and faced my direction, with... an irritated expression...?

"What do you want, Api?" He asked in a stern voice, making me chuckle nervously.

"Can we spend some time together?" I asked, looking at him with full of hopes in my eyes.

My big brother groaned, rolling his eyes and turned his attention back to his phone. "Go away, Api."

I huffed, frowning slightly as I went near my big brother, shaking his arm off. "Come on, big brother... Please? Please!? Please!?" I begged repeatedly, still shaking my big brother's arm.

"ISH! WILL YOU JUST QUIT IT, YOU CHILDISH BRAT!?" My big brother exclaimed, pushing me away from him, causing myself to stumble backwards and dropped my back onto the ground. He then glared at me, his teeth gritting angrily. "I TOLD YOU TO GO AWAY BUT YOU JUST WON'T LISTEN, YOU PESKY IMP!"

I looked up at him, shocked with tears started to form in my eyes. I then felt a dagger stabbed right through my heart. My whole body started trembling in fear while staring at my big brother, terrified.

I honestly didn't expect this reaction from him. Irritated, angry, annoyed. What did I do to cause him to be like this...?

His unexpected words... truly offended me. It hit me right through my chest. It made my heart torn apart.

My big brother scoffed, entering his room and slammed the door shut infront of me.

I then stared at his door, tears started falling down on my cheeks as I curved a weak smile, letting out a pained chuckle.

Just after that painful incident...

... my whole life became a colorless and a depressing one.

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