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Right thing

At first it is all sweet and nice...that is probably common in every relationship but the idyll never lasts for eternity. You see, when we fall in love, we are blinded, very blinded. We portray our partner as an ideal, as someone who is flawless, as someone who is simply perfect but after some time, we realize that they also make mistakes, that they are too just a human being. 

"You won't be able to come?" I whispered quietly.

"I'm very sorry, Lisa but I can't...I'm so tired, I can't even move," he said and I could sense that he was barely able to speak. 

I knew that things have been hard for him, he was working all the time. Learning new choreographies, singing songs ten thousand times to please the taste of their very strict producer Suga, working out, holding concerts, promoting etc., he was exhausted but at that moment I wanted to see him. I wanted him there, I wanted him to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be all right. 

"It's okay, get some rest. Goodnight," I said and hung up. 

The tears slid down my face. I should have expected this from the very beginning...we are not a normal couple; we can't be there for each other every time the other has a hard time. It was a fact, I wasn't even guessing. 

"Lalisa?" I heard Rosie's soft voice calling for me.

"Yeah?" I answered and wiped away my tears quickly.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Mhm," I murmured and sat on my bed. 

She entered my room and walked slowly towards my bed. Then she sat there and we were in complete silence for a good minute before she spoke again: "Have you read that letter?"

"I have," I admitted.

Her eyes became teary and I knew that she felt sorry, but it wasn't her that should feel that way, it was not even her fault.

"I'm so sorry, Lisa," she said and hugged me tight.

"It's okay, Rosie, it's not like you can do anything about it," I said and smiled sligtly even thought I felt like absolute shit. 

I wasn't lying to her, I was lying to myself. 

***

"Hello, Lisa...how can I help you?" our boss Yang Hyun Suk asked.

"Boss, I think I should quit," I said with the most confident voice I could manage. 

He breathed deeply and started making  grimaces. I noticed that he was prone to do that when he was thinking about something really hard. 

"It doesn't surprise me that you want to quit Lalisa, to be honest you were incredibly brave and strong to hold up until now," he said eventually. "I saw the comments and to be frank with you, they even hurt me , so I can't even imagen what you must have felt while reading them." 

I felt that stupid ball forming in my throat, making it hard to breathe. 
Quitting was the last thing I wanted, it was never my intention to stop doing what I dreamed about doing all my life, I never saw this coming and it hurt me so much, it felt like my heart was burning and tearing apart at the same time.