Repulsion

42.

E R I C A

I could see the change in his eyes. From shock, to distress, to pain, to longing, to hurt, to finally anger. I was all too familiar with these emotions. Whenever someone pried me with my past, it bothered me the way it was bothering him.

"That's none of your concern Erica!", He seethed at me.
Had I not known what man he is behind that anger, I would have fallen into the trap. But I knew him well. For better as well as for worse.

I stood up from my chair and sat beside his on the floor near his legs. Gently leaning on the armrest and looking up to him, I could see him struggling.

I slowly placed a hand on his knee expecting to be roughly yanked away. But he restrained himself.
Taking that as a clue, I took his hand in mine and interwined our fingers, "Relax Eric!"

And he did relax visibly.
The next thing I know, he left the chair and came beside me on the floor.

"I_I c_ca....!", I kept a finger on his lips, "No! Tell me once you want to. Don't force yourself."

I could feel it. He wanted to confess. He wanted to say it to me. He needed someone. Like I need someone. I need someone to say all the horrible things that have been done to me. But my brain always went in frenzy when I had to do it.

The pained expression on his face nearly killed me. And for a moment, I wanted to kiss his all the worries away.
But I didn't.
Because I knew better.

I pulled him in me, in my embrace.
He was a big man, but I felt like these arms will be his home, and my responsibility is to keep them open for him always.

When I saw that drawing and name below it, I knew where else I have seen this name EVE on his shoulder. And I can now understand that 'Eve' is a shorter version of 'Evelyn'.

I hugged him tight to me, while he burried his head in my chest. I have never seen him this vulnerable and something is capable to hurt him so much, stung my eyes with tears.

I rubbed his back gently, until I felt his breathing become fine. He pulled back slowly and looked at me, "How did you...?"

"I saw that drawing you were sleeping with yesterday. But don't worry, you don't have to tell me anything Eric. I just asked out of curiosity...!"

He nodded and then leaned back on the chair looking up at the sky. I didn't want him to think about whatever he was thinking.
To distract him, I spoke up, "Tell me what you would like to eat for breakfast."

He looked at me and then stared deep into my soul, "Evelyn was my sister, Erica!"
My body froze at his declaration. Sister!? Eric has a sister!? James and Jess have a daughter!

"She....she...!"
I moved forward and wrapped my arms around him, "I said I don't want you to say it out of force."

"No! I want to tell you. It pains to keep it in my heart and now I can't bear it.", I was on the verge of crying at his confession.

I nodded, "Ok tell me whatever you want to. Just don't push yourself too much."

He sighed and looked down,
"Eve was my little sister. She was born when I was four years old. I still clearly remember when I was impatiently waiting with nonna at the mansion, while mom and dad were in hospital. Mom was in furious pain when they left for hospital, and dad promised me that he will come back with a gift for me. It was two days, and no one came. I was very restless.
Just then, the doors to the mansion opened and both my parents smilingly came in. But they were not the only ones who came. There was also a small white thing in dad's arms.
'Eric! Baby your gift!", I was made to sit on the couch and then dad kept that ball of happiness in my lap."

He looked at me, and smiled so beautifully I felt my heart sore to heights.
I smiled back at him, gave his hand a squeeze.

"That was the day when I felt that I have to protect her, no matter what. Those instincts of a big brother came crashing down on me. And from the 'Prince' of the house, I turned into the slave of our little princess! Erica! Her hair were extremely curly! It would take mom an hour to properly manage them. And she was a drama queen. Whenever mom refused her something, she would come to me and cry that 'No one loves me!'
When I assured her that no! I do, she would grin widely and tell me to prove it. And then I had to convince mom and dad for whatever she demanded.
That drawing you saw! It was among the hundred drawing she made. And her model was always me!", He chuckled and I laughed too.

"She always said she wants my nose, my eyes, my brain everything. Whenever she cried in the night or had a bad dream, she never went to mom and dad! She always came to me. And then lying down near my leg without letting me know.
In her school, she used to threaten boys and girls on my name! No one dared to approach me and she used that fact to the best of her abilities. But that was not the only thing, for she used to threaten me too, saying she would tell everyone how I make a mess on my plate back at home. Or how Dad scolded me when I hit a boy at the school."

I giggled, "You were always an asshole! I am glad at least someone could hit it back on you!"

He narrowed his eyes at me, "Are you on her side or mine!?"
I pout, "Do you need to ask that to know!? Ofcourse her side!"

He shook his head but I saw a hint of a faint smile. The smile that he often hides with smirks.
"But amidst all this, she loved me the most. There was one day I was making her a sandwich because she was hungry and there was no one at home. She was four then. I cut my finger while trying to chop some cucumber. Believe me, she cried whole day because I was in pain. From then on, I never told her whenever I had an injury. But if she anyhow found it, she would cry endlessly. I loved her so damn much Erica! I would bring heaven on earth, if she demanded. She was my lifeline! She used to fight with David, because he took some of my time that belonged to her."

He looked at me, "But I am sure she would have loved you! Because like you, she used to threaten me alot!"

I smiled at him. He has never talked like this. He never spends his heart like this. I could see the spark in his eyes. The boyish smile. That longing look for his sister.

He sighed finally, "You must be wondering where she is now!?"

No! The longing in your eyes answered me.

I stayed quiet, clutching his hand tightly not allowing him to break.

"She is dead!", That faint whisper of word from his mouth almost killed me then and there. And a tear escaped my eyes.
He is a broken man inside. Broken to a dangerous extent. His sister took away his life with him.

He continued in the same shattered tone, "And you know what her last words were!?"

I saw his eyes sparkling with water, but he didn't let it fall down. Probably he didn't trust me enough to share his tears with. May be he was scared he would come out weak before me.

"She said, 'I would come back to you brother! I will make your drawing again.' But she did not. It's been ten years...."

His shoulders slumped and before me was no Eric Ashton. Not the asshole one.
Not the playful one.
Nor the loving one.
Not the man, I know I have fallen deep for.

He was a broken brother, whose heart is still grieving over his sister's death. His Eve's death!