She's got me twisted. // B i l l i e E i l i s h

Chapter 10 /// Part 5

Chapter 10 /// Part 5

To say things have been weird for the past few days, would be an understatement. Levi didn't quite understand just how much of a big part Billie has become in her life. Their bedtime chats, the mornings texts, their random days out, Levi feels like she's missing a limb.

Odin has had more walks the past few days than he'd like. In a bid to cure her boredom, Levi had taken to going on runs with him. She'd gotten so much work done that she probably doesn't even need to look at a computer for the next 3 weeks. For the first time in 3 months all of her laundry is washed, dry, and ironed. Some call it being an adult, some call it being 21 and bored shitless.

"C'mon my guy, you've earned yourself a big ass treat!" Levi said to Odin as he jumped so his front paws were on Levi's legs. "Yes you have, leggo!" Levi knocked Odin down gently and walked into her apartment.

"Hey."

Levi jumped up and dropped Odin's lead, bringing her hand up to clutch her chest. "Holy fuck!" She yelled, heart now pounding through her chest. "Bil?" She questioned, unsure if she had got to the point of boredom where she was now imaging things. "How...wait how did you get in?"

"You always leave that damn spare key in the same fucking place no matter how many times I tell you not to." Billie replied with a small smile.

Levi nodded. She has a point. "What are you—"

"I love you."

Levi's eyebrows raised in shock at what the younger girl blurted out. "Huh?"

Billie steppes towards the taller girl, leaving a foot gap between them. "I love you."

Levi stood still. "I'm confused what's happening here."

Billie smiled as her stomach did flips inside her. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of crying, a lot of...a lot of shit, basically. But after everything I figured out that I wasn't angry because someone hacked me, I wasn't even angry that people knew about us...I was angry because I felt like you would think different of us. And I know that's stupid, but it's just, like, how I felt. And the thought that I had let you down, or put us at risk and that I could lose you, pissed me the fuck off. I don't want you to be known as Billie Eilish's girlfriend, y'know? I wanted you to be Levi Beckett, badass nerdy fuckin game developer or some shit who's girlfriend is called Billie. Does that make sense?"

Levi opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Billie continuing on.

"It probably doesn't. I got angry...because I got scared...because the thought of losing you, or putting us at risk kills me. So I thought maybe if I put some space between us...you'd figure out that your life is much easier without me. But I can't. I'm selfish because the time away from you made me realise that I'm so fucking in love with you that it practically hurts. I need to be selfish Levi, because I need you. I need you calling me out when I'm being a dick, I need you to try and make me laugh when I'm sad, I need you to cook for me when I'm too lazy to eat, I need you so I can feel like me. These past few months have been...the happiest I've been. Seriously. And that's because of you." Billie paused and ran her hand through her hair. "I'm sorry that I was an ass. You were right, it was maybe a little bit of gay panic. And I lashed out at you, and you didn't deserve it."

"Can I talk now?" Levi asked once Billie finally came up for air. Billie nodded.

"I forgive you." Billie began to grin but Levi quickly interrupted. "I'm not cool with how you dealt with everything. But I get it. Also, we're girlfriends now? I'm down. But Billie...I'm not fully there yet, you said you love me...I'm not quite there yet, don't get me wrong, I'm completely falling for you...but I don't wanna say it if I'm not completely there."