THE LAST LETTER

Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 32 // 𝐿𝑜𝑠𝑡 & 𝐹𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑

《There must be somethin' in the water
'Cause every day, it's gettin' colder
And if only I could hold you
You'd keep my head from goin' under

Bruises - Lewis Capaldi》

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Rachel's POV

I was this close, to getting caught at Jake's party. Seeing Lucas after almost two years, was like seeing him in his doorway for the very first time. He still looked handsome maybe a bit hotter with his built body. Seeing him in those distressed jeans and that black leather jacket over his black t-shirt could sweep any girl off their feet, can't blame them when I was one of them. I saw the girls on the dance floor going hot for him, that was the kind of power he held, even after all these years. But for me, he was just Lucas, my Lucas, the one with whom I spend almost my entire life. The one with whom I'm falling for all over again. Actually, I never really stopped loving him even after all these years and today when I saw him there, all I wanted to do was leave Peter's drunk ass on the floor and run and hug him so tight and kiss him with everything I had, to make up for the last two years. But I couldn't do it. So I did exactly what I'm best at doing. I ran.

I shouldn't have had gone there in the first place, but then who would've picked Peter from the party. He has always been there whenever I needed him in these last two years and the least I could do is drop him off at his house when he called drunk.

I drop him and then head back home, sneaking into my room before Mom could notice that I was out. I remove my hoodie and lay down on the bed in my sweats. Yeah, I didn't bother to look presentable, just to pick someone's drunk ass.

I stare at the ceiling as I wonder What was Luke doing in San Francisco when he was supposed to be in Los Angeles for his college? And he was with Chloe, just like I wanted him to be, happy with someone healthy, who could stay by him forever, someone alive.

Then why did it hurt so much to see him move on when I myself pushed him to do that?

No! I'm happy for him, happy that he has finally moved on, happy that he has forgotten me, happy that he now has a life without me. Not even a single day has passed, without me praying for his well-being. Not even a single day has passed without missing him and wishing for his happiness. And today when I saw him smile when Chloe called him, explained a lot. He was happy and now I can finally be at peace.

Every day I get up with a smile and try my best to nod my way through the day when I'm with others, but whenever I come back to my room, I understand how lonely I am, without Lucas in my life. I know I said that I had enough memories with Lucas to last me a lifetime, but no matter how many memories I have with him, it won't ever be enough.

I would never be able to forgive myself for the pain I put him through, during our breakup. The look of hurt on his face still lingers in my mind and the voicemail he left me was like a thousand prickling needles over my skin. The way his voice broke, broke me into a million pieces. Only if I would've had the chance to take it all back and ease his pain.

A teardrop slides down the corner of my eyes as I remember the most vulnerable yet the most beautiful day of my life.

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