THE LAST LETTER

Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 36 // 𝐹𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑤𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑡

《Ever thought of callin' when

You've had a few?
'Cause I always do
Maybe I'm too
Busy bein' yours
To fall for somebody new
Now, I've thought it through
Crawlin' back to you

Do I wanna know - Arctic monkeys》

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R A C H E L' S P O V

The ride back home was slow. Paul and Lucas sat in the front seat and Mom and me in the back. I saw Lucas staring at me through the rearview mirror as if telling me, 'we have a lot to talk about.'

Soon, the car comes to a halt in front of our house, and we get out of the vehicle. Paul takes the car to park in the garage, and Mom takes me to my room, as Lucas follows behind.

She helps me onto the bed, "I'll leave you two alone to talk and sort things out." She says and walks out, closing the door behind her.

The room fills with silence as none of us talk.

Calm down, heart. You need to calm down.

I say to myself as I see Lucas standing in front of me. He isn't supposed to be here, after all these years. I don't want to see him in pain all over again. I want to see him happy with Chloe right now, or anyone in that case. But here he is hurting like I'm hurting. His eyes alone tell me how much he missed me and I know for sure that he can see my eyes mirroring the same feelings. And I can't help myself falling for him all over again.

These past two years, I thought that he has forgotten me and moved on, or more like I tried to make myself believe that he has moved on. But when I see him today, standing here in front of me, I can see how broken he has become without me, just like I've become without him. I left him because I didn't want him to lose himself while taking care of me but I failed. He looks like a lost baby who needs someone to guide him.

I always knew that no one could ever fit my life like the way he did but I had some hope for him. I thought I could live a mediocre version of life without Lucas in it but now that I see him, I feel as though I've willingly destroyed my one chance of a happy life together with Lucas, my best friend, my boyfriend, my soulmate.

We stare at each other for what feels like forever, as neither one of us breaks the gaze allowing ourselves to take in every last thing about each other, that we'd lost over the previous two years. His eyes scrutinize my face as if he's drinking every feature of me like he'd been thirsty all this while. Or maybe I'm just imagining things.

He's with Chloe. He's happy! Without me!

I would give anything to stay in his presence forever, but I can't be selfish.

I lean back against the headboard of my bed and stare at his hands, clenched in a fist on each side. The same hands that I've missed holding onto. The same hands that touched me ages ago. The same hands that are suddenly wrapping around me, holding me in such a tight embrace as if I would disappear the second it loses but what he doesn't know is that I've been craving for this touch for exactly one year eight months, and twenty-one days. Yeah, I've been counting the days since I've parted from Lucas.