Wildfire (A Naruto Fanfic Book 5)

Chapter 21

Chihiro looked a lot better when she emerged from her room, and I nodded in approval.  "Now we really talk, alone."  I glared at Itachi. "Really alone."

He put up his hands defensively as I guided her out the door.  We stopped by the flower shop, and I took her to the last place she would want to go, the graveyard.  She hesitated as I walked in, so I turned back and smiled at her.  "It's not the dead you need to fear, Chihiro... in most cases."

She raised her chin and nodded.  I set flowers on Makoto and Kushina's graves and said short prayers before going to the one meant for me.  She looked sadly at the headstone.  "It won't be there after today..."

She looked up at me.  "I'm so sorry, Kunoichi."

I smiled at her.  "For what? For me, breaking your heart?  Then you being angry that it was for nothing?"  I chuckled.  "That's nothing to be sorry for."

She watched as I knelt before my own grave.  "I've been so..."

I shrugged.  "None of that matters."

She sighed.  "I wish... I wish I was strong like you or Itachi..."

I looked at her curiously.  "Strong how?"

She knelt beside me.  "Every time you were hurt or even after he heard you were dead... he kept your memory alive... when he was on the brink of death, you went and got revenge..."

I shook my head.  "That's what you see on the outside... never what truly is happening in our heads.  Itachi was weak for holding on to a memory and not moving forward.  I let my rage get the better of me and almost paid with my life.  Sometimes, what's looked like us being strong... that's us at our weakest."

She thought for a moment.  "I tried to make everyone forget... rather than accepting it and remembering, I wanted it all to go away."

I put a hand on her shoulder.  "You were trying to help everyone's pain by making my presence less imposing..."

She shook her head as tears began to spill again.  "No, I just wanted a moment without being reminded..."

I nodded.  "You wanted to be free of that pain, I understand... we all do.  Everyone has their ways of coping with death, dying, loss, and grief.  Take me, for example, I can't sit by idly and twiddle my thumbs... I prefer action which... has led to the death of many.  You spent your time trying to ease the pain of others while ignoring your own pain, Chihiro."

She blinked at me, confused.  "But..."

I chuckled.  "You spent time with our brothers and Itachi, trying to fill that void.  You cleaned and redecorated, so Minato didn't have to come home to sadness.  But... what did you do for you, Chihiro?  What did you do to ease your pain?"

She looked at her hands.  "That's why when I came here... you were angry.  You were mad at me because you never moved past the pain of thinking I was dead and if the time does come when that happens... it would only add to that pain. To everyone's pain."

I sat on my heels.  "You are strong, Chihiro, just in a different way than me or Itachi or anyone else.  You have compassion and patience that I am not capable of.  You make people smile even when you feel like you are dying inside."

She looked at me.  "You make me seem like a saint."

I laughed.  "Next to me... you are."

She hugged me hard, then immediately released when I tensed. "Sorry."

I shook my head.  "It's okay."

She looked me in the eye.  "I shouldn't have said those things... about..."

I sighed.  "I'll admit, that was a low blow, but what I did was worse.  I should've never made you feel like what you experienced was nothing... your fear, your pain... they are just as real and just as important as mine.  For that, I apologize."

She giggled.  "I thought Itachi was going to kill me for that."

I smiled sadly at the clouds.  "I wish he would try, but... I don't know how to explain it.  He's different from anything I've experienced from the lives I remember.  I feel sorrow for my past selves in that respect."

She sighed.  "Let Izumi tell it, you cast some sort of jutsu on him."

I frowned at her name.  "I can't tell you who to spend your time with, but... I don't like her."

She nodded.  "I know."

I shook my head.  "It goes deeper than her feelings with Itachi, Chihiro.  She basically isolated you from anyone who had an attachment to me.  Those are your friends... your family... they are the people who I trust to keep you safe in my absence."

She nodded again.  "I know, but... she just seemed to get me.  My hurt, my anger... she just kinda got it."

I looked at her.  "I went to her house, Chihiro, before coming for you.  I'm not saying I told her what was going on, but Shisui caught me on the way to the others and then helped.  She doesn't know me like he does, but I've given him every reason not to be there when any of us are in need."

She sighed.  "She... she is a nice person..."

I shrugged.  "I leave that up to you,  just watch your back around her, okay?"  She nodded, and I stood holding my hand out to her.  "Now... I'm famished, let's go home."  She smiled and took it.  You'll do just fine... just give it time...