His Beautiful Surrender (Beautiful Trilogy #2) (Published under PHR)

Kabanata 28

Kabanata 28

HINDI na bago para kay Ares ang magulo at toxic na oras dito sa ospital. Ito na ang kinalakihan niya. Dito umikot ang ilang taon sa buhay niya. He saw deaths and he heard the pained cries from different people. He wasn't used to it but he must continue doing what he wanted—to save lives. Hindi siya si Superman, hindi niya kayang sagipin ang lahat ng tao. Pero gusto niyang makatulong kahit sa simpleng paraan lamang.

Long ago, Ares believed that no matter how hard he prayed for a superpower to save someone, it wouldn't happen. Pero ngayon, gusto niyang magkaroon ng superpowers. Kahit ngayon lang.

Habang nakatingin sa pinto ng operating room ay hindi mawala-wala ang kaba ni Ares. Hindi niya namalayan kung ilang oras na ang lumipas. Natatakot siya na baka—napailing siya at iwinaksi ang kaisipang iyon. Coffee promised that she would fight, he believed her.

Napapikit siya at umusal ng panalangin. Naalala niya noong nalaman niya ang tungkol sa sakit ng dati niyang nobya na si Kim. Kim was dying then and there wasn't a heart for her for her to be saved.

Kagaya ng ginawa ni Coffee sa dating nobyo nito na si Caleb, nakipaghiwalay din kay Ares si Kim. Hindi na raw siya nito mahal. Saka niya nalaman na kaya ito nakipaghiwalay ay dahil ayaw nitong masaktan siya kapag iniwan siya nito.

Nang nalaman niya ang totoo, huli na ang lahat. The last thing Kim muttered before dying was, "Be happy, Ares."

He prayed but Kim didn't make it.

He wanted to curse heaven and hell but he realized it wouldn't bring her back. When Kim died, it felt like his world stopped spinning. He was just existing before but he wasn't really living.

Sa kabila n'on, hindi nabawasan ang pananalig niya sa Itaas. Kaya siya pabalik-balik sa SVU ay dahil nandoon ang mga alaala nila ni Kim. Ang akala niya ay hindi na siya makaka-move on pa.

He was wrong. It took him ten years to move on from the past.

He was happily living now.

Hindi niya makakalimutan si Kim. Pero iba na ang nagmamay-ari ng puso niya ngayon.

Si Coffee na.

Tama nga si Mace. Hindi niya kailangang kalimutan ang nakaraan. Kailangan lamang niyang tanggapin na tapos na iyon; na dapat niyang harapin ang kasalukuyan para makita niya iyong bagay na makapagpapasaya sa kanya.

Hindi niya alam kung ano ang mayroon kay Coffee at nakikita niya ang sariling nilalapitan at kinakausap ito. Hindi niya alam kung bakit magaan ang loob niya sa dalaga.

Maybe Ares was destined to meet her. Maybe it was fate that brought her to him.

One thing was for sure though. Ares was meant to love Coffee.

Alam niyang nagbago siya dahil kay Coffee. Masasabi ni Ares na kahit papaano ay naging malakas siya sa tulong ng dalaga. Hindi niya hahayaang may humadlang sa kanila ni Coffee—even death himself.

If he was a weakling before—for letting Kim end their relationship even if he didn't want to—right now, he would be strong for Coffee.

God, help her. Please, give her the strength to fight. Kahit kailan hindi ako humiling ng para sa sarili ko. But this time, for me, save her, piping panalangin ni Ares.

When Kim died, he did not shed a tear to hide his pain. But this time, tears were brimming on his eyes.

Pumikit siya nang mariin upang pigilan ang pagpatak ng luha sa kanyang pisngi. Hindi siya nahihiyang ipakita ang kahinaan niya subalit hindi ito ang oras para maging mahina siya. Kailangan siya ni Coffee. Kailangan niyang maging malakas para sa babaeng mahal niya.

But God, this was so painful. Wala siyang magawa kundi ang maghintay.

"Manalig tayo na maliligtas si Coffee, Ares," ang tinig na iyon ni Tito Pol ang pumukaw sa pag-iisip niya.

Sa kabila ng maliit na ngiti sa labi nito, hindi maipagkakaila ang pangamba at pag-aalala sa mukha nito.

"Kinakabahan po ako, tito. Wala akong magawa para kay Coffee." Hinagod niya ang buhok at napabuga ng hangin.

"You've done so much by just loving my daughter."

Hindi na siya nakasagot.

Naalala niya ang mga huling katagang binanggit ni Coffee.

Please, don't let me go?

He was scared that it was her who would let him go. As if he has the strength to let her go now.

"I'm not giving up on you," mahinang anas niya. "So please, don't give up on me."

Nang bumukas ang pinto ng operating room ay kaagad napatayo si Ares kasabay ni Tito Pol.

Pakiramdam niya ay may sumuntok sa sikmura niya nang nakita ang panlulumo ng surgeon ni Coffee.

"Kumusta si Coffee, doc?"

He felt like her heart was being crushed into tiny pieces when the surgeon shook his head to answer Tito Pol's question.

His heart did not fall. It crashed.

It seemed like his heart was crumbling into pieces and no matter how hard he tried to keep it all together, the parts kept on falling into tiny pieces.

"No..."

Tumakbo siya papasok sa operating room. Wala siyang pakialam kahit na pigilan siya ng mga nurses at doktor. Hindi niya alintana ang dugo ni Coffee.

Ginagap niya ang palad ng dalaga at pinisil iyon nang mariin.

"Short stuff, hindi magandang biro 'to!" sigaw niya. "Wake up! Remember your promise to me? Wake up, Coffee!"

"Doc. Ares—"

"Nangako akong hindi ko bibitiwan ang kamay mo, Coffee. Sana huwag mo rin bitawan ang kamay ko. Sabi mo magiging malakas ka. Lumaban ka, Coffee. Fucking breathe, goddammit!"

May naramdaman siyang humawak sa braso niya subalit nagpumiglas siya. Hindi niya kayang bitiwan si Coffee. Not now, not ever. Hindi niya susukuan ang dalaga.

God. Was this how death feels like?

Hindi na niya napigilan ang mga luha niya. Wala siyang pakialam kahit na ba makita siya ng iba. Kung pagiging mahina ang pag-iyak, sige lang, siya na ang pinakamahinang lalaki sa mundo.

"Coffee, you know I'm willing to give up everything if it means spending another second with you. For one second is better than a lifetime of not knowing you. Thank you for that one second, Coffee. Thank you for holding on. I know you want to rest already but I want to be selfish again. Won't you fight for me one last time? I realized I need another second with you. Or maybe an infinite second to spend beside you. If you can still hear me, please, live."

Idinikit niya ang palad ni Coffee sa kanyang noo. Ares was breaking slowly but he could not lose her now.

"Mahal kita, Coffee. Hindi pa ba sapat 'yon para bumalik ka sa 'min?"

A beeping sound was suddenly heard inside the operating room. Tila naramdaman din niya ang mahinang pagpisil ni Coffee sa palad niya.

"Damn it! She's breathing!"

Kung hindi pa siya tinulak palabas ay baka hindi pa siya umalis sa tabi ni Coffee.

Napasandal si Ares sa dingding at napadausdos sa sahig. Pakiramdam niya ay nawalan ng lakas ang mga binti niya.

"Ares..."

Nakatayo sa harapan niya ang magulang niya.

For Pete's sake, he was already twenty nine years old! Why was he acting like a fucking boy? And he was even cursing, for Fuck's sake!

"I don't want to lose her," mahinang aniya.

"You won't. She fought for you and for her dad."

Napapikit siya. Ang nakangiting mukha ni Coffee ang nasa isipan niya.

Nothing else mattered to him aside from her. He wanted her to be safe. He wanted her to live.

He wanted her with him.